Okay, so I am sad about not getting the girls. Maybe I'm just being over emotional. We are planning on adopting sooner or later. "Whenever it works out" is what I've been saying. I act so nonchalant about the whole thing, but really I am so ready to have our daughter. You know, the one you imagine in your head but ends up nothing like that. This adoption thing is the underlying and hopeful reason; it is underneath all the classes, dr visits, interviews, and inspections. I have tried to bury it to keep myself from getting too dissappointed or hurt. But I can't. The nagging little tug in my heart is there. These girls were expected to be tpr'd and adoptable in the near future. I just really hope that they went to a foster-adopt family that will keep them. They were being switched from their current foster home because the foster parents worked and couldn't handle all the visitation, and they didn't want to adopt. So I hope whoever they put them with will keep them. The thing is, I would've taken them the day they called. I have prayed and prayed, and I really am convinced that this was how it was supposed to be. I am not bitter, angry, or even upset. I am just a little sad. The crazy thing that really surprises me is the concern I have for these children that I don't know. That is something that other foster parents talk about, but I didn't understand. Now I do. Of course I care about the children, and want to help, and blah blah blah. But this concern I have for their well being is not something I had before. It's deeper than caring. It's love. So now instead of buying that pink crib I wanted to badly, I am waiting for the phone to ring...once again. I am so pitiful huh? LOL! Fine, I am done wallowing in self pity.
On another subject. Schools have been shut down all week!!! Tues-today! If I had known that, I would've escaped to my mom's house in Florida!! But then again, maybe I wouldn't have because I was waiting on the call for the girls. I am a slave to my agency!!
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3 comments:
Yep. there a whole bunch of us who know exactly what you are talking about.
You aren't weird. I worried for DAYS-WEEKS about kids we got calls about and didn't get placed. Mostly-we weren't home when they called and by the time I returned phone calls they were placed already. Its okay to grieve over this but to others it may seem strange.
Years later, I STILL think about kids we have been called about. I hope the girls went somewhere that will be good for them. The worst part is just not knowing. I still remember our very first REAL referral for twin 8 yr old boys. I still think about them and even found out where they ended up since another family in our agency adopted them and then had to disrupt on one of them. The one they had left ended up whacking Tara in the head with a baseball bat at a support group one night and we spent the night in an ER in a strange town. Funny how things go full circle.
BUT, the good part is, if all those things don't happen along the way you won't get to the kids that you are meant for. Some people say it is God. Others say it is fate...but you will find your kids and they will find you.
You will go a little crazy in the meantime :) totally normal reaction LOL
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