We are Blessed

I can't complain. I feel like it, but I shouldn't. My children are so awesome. We are so proud of the boys we have. My husband is amazing and so hardworking. Lovebug is absolutely perfect. She is growing so fast and we love her so much. We are very blessed. We are also in the middle of the foster care system. I have made some friends that are foster moms, and former foster moms. The stories they share are heartbreaking. How did we end up so lucky? Maybe the luck will run out, I don't know. Maybe that luck is going to run out in Feb when our baby will go back to her mom. Of course anything can happen between now and then, but if Lovebug's mom wants her she will get her. We are so attached to Lovebug. Our heart will break. It already does at the thought of losing her. In a few months visits will increase, be in her mom's home, and eventually be unsupervised. I am trying to reach out to Lovebug's mom. She is very receptive. She even told me that she is glad that we have Lovebug, she knows we love her. It made me cry.

What a week holds

Things can change quickly. The little boy we want we will probably not get. It's too bad because he will be able to be adopted. Mix in a little politics and everything gets screwed up. We will have him and his baby brother for the weekend as respite. I'm excited about that. But by Saturday night I will be exhausted!!

Lovebug's mom is doing great. I am preparing my family for her to reunify. It's heartbreaking if I think about losing her, I can barely stand it. So I don't think about it. I take it one day at a time and say to my kids that she will be going home in Feb. The things I look forward to is her first Halloween, first Thanksgiving, and first Christmas. I am overjoyed we have her, but I also feel sad for her mom. Thankfully we have a good relationship and I will be able to include her somehow. I am just not sure how yet. The biggest thing for me now is helping Lovebug's mom to be a great mom for Lovebug. I don't really know how to do that either. So complicated.

147millionorphans---I ordered some goodies from there. The procedes go to Uganda to feed the children. The women of one tribe are making beaded necklaces. I cannot wait to get mine, it's a great way to share their story.

We May get this Little Boy

We have our eye on this little boy. If he has to leave his current foster home, we want him. It will be very difficult. He has attachment issues that are textbook. He has visits with his mom that make him go backward in behavior. I don't know if we are strong enough to be jerked around by the system with this little boy. I am praying. I have vocalized that we will take him if need be. That is all I am saying. There are hoops to jump through for us to actually get him, so if we do I will be surprised. Until then, we are still open to other children.

Back to the Basics

I can feel and see the burnout. I haven't been doing this long enough to have burnout. I have been a whiny baby about the system. I hate injustice, it makes me angry. I look at the big picture and quit focusing on the details. I am going back to the basics. I'm going back to what I felt God calling us to do. Taking care of the children that come our way. Rewind, deep breath. I feel that I am falling away from my purpose. I do want to be part of a change. I have located our commissioners emails, and when I am done with my report, they will all get one. The news may even get a copy, somehow :)

Turned Down a Placement

I turned down a placement yesterday. I'm afraid I'm becoming bitter. I am getting a backbone when it comes to dealing with the system. The children were 5 yrs and 7 months. The mother was crazy, schizo. The family members wanted to keep the children but they can't handle the crazy mother! Then the parents had visits that would interfere with me picking my own children up from school, and would cut into Kindergarten for the 5 yr old. I just do not want to deal with that drama.

About visits: Sometimes visits should not be done. I just can't agree with letting a child in the same room with a parent that beats them. Not always of course, Lovebug's mom loves her and should visit her. But let's call a spade a spade. If your unfit your unfit. Consequences for abusing your children, not understanding from liberals who love to blame being poor, uneducated, and abuse in the parents past for excuses. What about the children who don't want to see their parents. They don't have a choice.

Well, I am on my soapbox this morning. There are 2 little boys we really want. They are in our friend's foster home and they don't want to adopt. We MAY take them, we are waiting for other people to decide. Lots of abuse issues with the older one. We are praying about it, it may not work out.

First Step

I am gathering case studies of children that have fallen through the cracks, are being abused during visits, and etc. This is my research part of attempting to address the problems. It feels useless.

The System is Broken...

I'm angry. I don't understand the mentality of the people in charge of the child protective services. Yes, I knew the system was screwy when I started this. But in reality you have to be in it to get it. There are great foster parents, there are great social workers, and there are great judges. So why is there this problem? Because often times social workers don't make good decisions, and judges don't follow the law. What can you do after a law is passed and the judge doesn't follow it? Appeal? Meanwhile time is going by and the children's lives are in limbo. We need to pay attention to what these judges are doing. What do you do when a social worker drops the ball? What do you do when the social workers' supervisor does nothing about the child that's been in foster care for 3 years and has unsupervised visits with a parent who tried to kill them? What do you do when a case aid (a person with little required education who supervises visits) leaves the room or just doesn't care during a supervised visit while the child is being pinched, cut, yelled at, or slapped during the visit, nor do they report it? What do we do? Why drag it out for years, the abuse continues right under the watchful eye of the system. I fully understand the workload of a social worker, and I'm saying that it's too much for them. They cannot be solely responsible, they need help. It isn't fair to place total blame on social workers. The turnover rate for social workers and foster parents is extremely high for a valid reason. As a foster parent I am scrutinized continuously, and I'm fine with it. We have nothing to hide. Everyday a criminal report is run on my household, EVERY DAY. If I so much as get a traffic ticket it will be found out immediately. I think it's fine. It should be done. Foster parents have a huge responsibility. I can see where being a foster parent should be treated as a job and should be compensated well. At the same time, high standards should be adhered too. What should not happen is that a foster parent should not be treated as the enemy. Parents that have lost their children should be assured that their children are safe. If that child is in my home, they are safe. I can speak for several foster homes I know of, and I know those children are safe. Parents and foster parents should be encouraged to work together for the good of the child, and reunify if possible. If a parent has harmed a child, like attempted murder or founded sexual abuse, or founded physical abuse then the parents rights should be terminated within a reasonable time. Why take 3 or so years of a child's life to decide or try to reunify with an abusive parent? I realize that it's not that black and white, but for the most part it's not that difficult. I do not want child services to have all the power. The social workers need more accountability. If they have a child on their caseload that is years in the system, then someone else needs to step in. Judges need to be held accountable for sending children home to parents who have knowingly abused them. Foster parents need more support. We have the children, we know the children. Parents need to work with foster parents. This is sometimes impossible because of the high emotional state of the situation. A mediator should probably step in and help the foster parents and parents to work together. I really believe that instead of having a social worker making all the decisions the parents and foster parents should have more rights-but together. They should be in agreement. Bring in GAL's, psychologists, mediators. Get rid of these case aids who just add fuel to the fire. Go to the problem. The abuse. Address it. Make a decision based on the child's safety, not blood ties. Not every child is removed for horrible situations. Many can reunify. But for those that have suffered abuse, cut the parental ties. A bridge needs to be built between the foster parent and the parent. I am ready to start a movement. A movement to protect the 8 year old that was in my home, who is taking 4 different medications for psychotic symptoms, who's own mother tried to drown him, who has unsupervised visits with her, who's childhood has been robbed, who has been a victim of the child protective services who did not handle his case correctly and a judge who refuses to terminate parental rights, who's mother should be in jail for attempted murder. I am ready.

Respite

We have been doing respite non-stop for a week. Different kids, different days, but we have had extra kids for a week now. One is leaving tomorrow and 2 are coming tonight for the weekend. For Labor Day weekend we had 3 extra kids, 2 were infants and one was 3 yrs. So that gave us 3 under the age of 7 months!!! It was crazy, and I was so tired. I have been enjoying this 'break' and my time with Lovebug. I have a feeling we will get a call soon. Things seem to go into spurts. Slow then busy. I will no longer complain of not having placements. It is a good thing when children are not needing to be removed from their homes. On the news today a man was arrested for beating his girlfriends 2 toddlers. Physical abuse, extensive bruising to their little heads and throat. So heartbreaking. People can really make me sick.

Still Moving Forward

Things are progressing slowly. Lovebug's mom has to step up her game if she wants to reunify. It will be a few months before we know if she is going to stick with it, and if she can keep a place to live. If she doesn't we will get an attorney of our own and begin our own process. No child should spend years in the system.

Court is over

Mom signed over her rights to her son, 5 yrs old. He has been is foster care since he was 2. This is the second child she has signed over. She only wants Lovebug and that is all she will have now. Yes, we are still in reunification. So exhausting. I have a theory: Mom is mentally ill, she loves her babies but when it comes to having to care for them long term--she can't do it. Not without help anyway. She is alone and no doubt suffered some sort of abuse herself (I know this from what she has told me). What do we do now? We will most likely have Lovebug for one year total and then who knows what will happen. If mom disappears or loses interest then once again we go through this process. That may happen since she already has said she will 'just have another baby'. Yep, she did. Deep breath. I am praying for God's will, not mine. No one wants to know my plans, my thoughts, or what I want. I have to work at myself to keep Lovebug's mom first. I have to put her first and give her a chance. If Lovebug goes home to her, then I want her to be a very good mommy to her. The biggest challenge I am facing is feeling like we are in limbo. We can't really move forward because of this unknown that we may get to adopt Lovebug. The saddest part of this is mom's little boy. He loves his mom, he has had visits all this time. He has expressed repeatedly that he wants to live with his mom. She signed him over. He has lost 3 years of his childhood for nothing. She should've done that a long time ago. Giving him up was her plan since Lovebug has been born. So that is 2 children she has signed over. It's really sad, and even for mom. It makes me mad, but I really have no anger thank goodness. I just hope she doesn't have another baby, but I'm sure she will because she has expressed this many times.