Not going to court

Well, as things go in the world of parenting--we have a sick child home today. Meaning, it's a good thing I don't have to go to court today. I'm staying home taking care of my little man. He was at school for only 3 days before catching something. I think sickness is my biggest stress when it comes to school. My kids have stayed well all summer, I'm just sayin'...

Strange...

I have a weird feeling. First of all, I was told a few days ago that I would need to testify against baby mamma. She told me some things that I repeated. Come to find out, she has been saying 'things' to lots of people, nothing was said to me in confidence. I felt so much better about that. So I was going to answer my 'yes' 'no' questions on the stand. Then I was told today not to come in at all....the judge is unpredictable. Lovebug could be gone soon.

Don't know what to think

So court is Monday and Tuesday. TPR court. 2 children. One has been in foster care for over 2 years. We have no idea what way this will go but what we think will happen is, mom will get more time. She secured a 1 bd apt one week ago. That is a step in the right direction for her. I have not been able to talk to her for 3 weeks now. Our new visit location has us coming in one door, and her in another. They don't encourage contact. It frustrates me, but it seems she is doing okay. I saw her in the waiting room and her hair was done, she looked so pretty. The problem, I really think she hurts herself when it comes to court. She will say things that hurts her case, and she tell lies (she doesn't want to get into trouble for not doing something-so she says she did it). If she is quiet during court, and does what her attorney tells her--she has a good chance of getting her kids back. Even if she isn't 'perfect' I see her getting more time. Since she does have an apt and a job. Now her keeping the apt is what I am worried about. She has had 3 places to live in the last 5 months, so stability is a major issue. I would say it's almost over, but I have a feeling it has just begun--the drama that is.

Lovebug is doing great, she has attached herself to my hip and prefers that spot to any other. We love her, we will hate to lose her. The longer we have her the worse it will be. Doesn't anyone see that? I'm not worried about me, but her. The grief she will go through if they drag this out. We are already taking steps to prepare our kids, but there is no easy way for them. They are still missing Little Guy. We let our kids have a say if we take another foster baby. They all said they wanted to take another. So once again, we are living open--to what God gives us.

Back to Waiting

So we are back to waiting and getting butterflies when our agency calls. Court is approaching for Lovebug. They are trying to terminate parental rights. I don't believe it will happen. I will be very surprised if the judge terminates her rights. The issue with Lovebug is dependency. Her mom is unable to provide for her basic needs, such as shelter. But why should the state terminate parental rights when we are here providing for her? That sounds sarcastic because it is. I really struggle with this. I really have compassion for Lovebug's mom, I like her. She is very sweet and loves her children. Then I see her decisions she makes. I don't agree with them, she isn't making the best choices to get her kids back. In the meantime, Lovebug will spend years in foster care with only visitation with her mom. Unless mom gets it together in a week. She just might. I am rooting for her. But if she doesn't have 'shelter' by the end of this month, I will be very disappointed. If she isn't prepared to reunify with her children, then she will just have many more long months of the same pattern. This has been going on for almost 3 years now. So if the goals of providing permanency for a child was actually true, then children would not spend years in foster care. I can see myself becoming bitter and falling into the pit of self pity. Yes I have my own selfish desires in this mix. Lovebug. We would be overjoyed to keep her to say the least. As court approaches, I am praying that the best for Lovebug comes out of it. If that is with her mother, I will support it. I will be heartbroken, once again. If they want to drag this out for months more, I will be very upset. So I guess that is what I should plan on happening. Expect the worse, pray for the best. I should say pray for the best and expect the best to show my strength in my faith. It's not that I don't have faith. I have faith, but I have to be careful to draw the line at what I want and what is right for this baby. After all of this I am so excited to take on another. I'm not sure why sometimes. Maybe because with each new child is a renew of hope? I don't know. We are also searching other adoption options. For today we are happy and healthy.

Got a referral call- didn't work out

We got a call for a 11 week old baby girl. Reunification is the plan. Mom is MR (mentally retarded). Dad is in the picture. I so wanted her but she was not placed with us. It is impossible to not get excited when you possibly are getting a child. No matter what the circumstances they come to you, they should bring you joy. Until we get another placement, I am enjoying my nights since they are soooo peaceful--Lovebug sleeps all night.

Feeling Drained-Emotionally

I like to abide by the rules, I like the idea of fairness and justice, I foolishly believe in these things. Sometimes you get a glimpse into the ugly, unfair, and unjust rules of the game. It's many opinions and powerplays. It's the reality of our social system, the one that claims to be in the best interest of the children. There are wonderful social workers, great judges, parents who have been helped and want their children, quality foster homes, and wonderful families--they do exist in this mess. If not, it would be much worse. It's easier to quietly turn our back, let our license expire, slip back into our routine with our own children--oblivious to what we know is true. I have been tempted, I must admit. I pray more now than I have in a long, long time. God doesn't ask the same of every person. Every person has their passion, their own desires. This is mine. Often time people think that following God's will will bring them easy street. This is untrue. Often times doing what is right is very hard. Self sacrifice, pain, unfairness are all part of life. We are sticking with it, but sometimes I can't see the good. The good I see is the individual children that are safe in our home. Maybe I should realize that the Little Children that God loves so much is who I am answering to.

Sexual Abuse

The forbidden topic. The one we don't want to think about is the most prevalent. The sexual abuse topic was covered in our foster classes. I was left with more questions. Why why why why why do we let this happen to our children? I asked one of our social workers during class what is the percentage of children in care that have been sexually abused, she said almost 100%. We must stop this somehow. But how? We chose not to take children who sexually act out. We did this to protect our own children. I do understand that we could get a child who may act out and no one knew. If that happened we would deal with it, not give up the child. Our children need a voice. Sexual abuse awareness needs more attention. For some reason the adults that do this are often protected by family members. I look at the sex offender list and sometimes it's ridiculous how they don't distinguish between a real pedophile and a 19 yr old with a 17 yr old girlfriend. Our society goes full throttle against something and it's all or nothing. No common sense can be used. I think it's such a disgusting crime that family members are so embarrassed that they would rather hush it than risk others knowing the truth. That is my opinion, no actual data to back it up. I know sexual abuse is taught in school, but the children are not given a solution. Tell? then what? Be put into a foster home only to return 6 months later? I am rambling now and going to close before I get started to deep.

Reality of Reunifying?

We have been so lucky so far in regards to foster parenting. Reunification went smoothly with Little Guy. I know that the only reason I can be so positive about this situation is that I did not hand over that baby to the person who had abused him. Give me that situation and I will not handle it as well. If we are given a child who has been abused at the hands of their parents, then a few months later are made to reunify them--then that will be the fault of the system if they are abused again. That is the scenario I hope to avoid. Due to lack of my experience I have no idea how often this happens. Any insight?

Prayers of a child

Little Guy is with his family. Yesterday was very hard. Our youngest son was very sad. He said, "I prayed to God that we could keep Little Guy if we were the right family. I guess we are not the right family, they are". It broke my heart for him. I assured him that Little Guy's family is the right place for him, and that it's okay if he is sad because we lost someone we love. My son wanted to keep Little Guy. He put his trust in God and prayed. God answered his prayer, just not in the way he wanted. He is accepting of that and is not bitter for not getting what he wanted. The faith and prayers of a child is something we all can learn from.


In other news: Lovebug's mom did not show for a visit this week. First time ever. She has never missed a visit. I am concerned. Maybe it is nothing, she could be sick or something. But she didn't call and cancel, so I don't know.

The Last Week

We are transitioning him this week. He will spend 2 full days with his family, us at night. Then forever on the 3rd day. So sad for us. Sad for Little Guy to have to adjust. Happy for the family. They are so happy and ready for him. I have one more full day with him. I will miss him so much.

My Heart is Breaking

He will leave on Thursday, my birthday. That is the plan, it could change and be earlier--who knows. I really hate this, I don't want him to go. I really do have peace about this situation, I can't ignore how excited his family is for him, his father's tears, his grandfather's support. If Little Guy was going home to his mom, I would be very upset. I really think every situation is unique. Some parents deserve another chance, some do not. Family is usually best for the child, sometimes it is not. It is best for Little Guy. There really is no suitable family for Lovebug. Lovebug's mom deserves another chance, Little Guy's does not. This is the most frustrating because with the many adults assigned to each child, someone should have a clue as to what is best. The social worker turn over is tremendous in our county. In turn it affects the decisions made for the kids. Addressing the reasons for such a high turnover would be the first step in bettering our social problems. Little Guy's worker left, and no one was there to take her place. The supervisor did nothing. The family should have had Little Guy months ago. That's the ugly truth. We were lead to believe that no one wanted him. If he would have been adopted, it would have been reversed. We were highly mislead, but we are not bitter. I'm glad it was found out now, not later. The truth is, there are children every day who are abused and neglected. They need a safe home. We are a safe home. We cannot sit around saying 'poor us' because of what happened with Little Guy. We keep moving forward because that is where life lead us, forward. I am sad, I cry spontaneously, I see him doing stuff 'for the last time'. It's difficult but not impossible. I am very concerned for my own children. They are visibly upset over this and I don't want them to have ill feelings toward foster care. We are dealing with it as it comes. This will be a very difficult week.