Peace

I have peace. Becoming a foster family has been one of our families most life changing decisions. There are many emotions and expectations that have to be worked through. You can never fully prepare yourself or your family for how you/they will feel. You will get negative as well as positive love from people. Neither will be accurate. You will not feel as wonderful as people say you are, and you will not be as crazy as people think you are. My emotions in this have been all over the place. Anxiety, panic, fear, love, heartbreak, attachment, happiness, joy, and finally...peace. I have peace. I have no idea if we will keep these babies. If Lovebug will go home to her mom and brother. If a long lost relative will be found for Little Guy. I do know that whatever happens, I do not have control. That gives me peace. It's not up to me. I feel laid back enough to enjoy our life right now. I cannot fret over 'what if's'. As a Christian you are taught that God is in control. Well, living that simple truth is an endeavor that can be a constant struggle.

Baby Mama. I think about her all the time. I look at Lovebug smile and see her mama. I feel so helpless. Of course we will be over the moon if we get to adopt Lovebug...but that is not the plan. Her plan is to be reunified with her mom and brother. I have accepted this and embraced it. Another lesson learned during this journey. What will actually happen, I have no crystal ball. I am not going to speculate. I do know that keeping your expectations low, really helps.

Little Guy is walking, he is a joy. A healthy, well-adjusted one year old. We are blessed to have him. No one has come forward for him. We will be at his court date.

A Positive Story...

An encouraging story from the foster child's view....



http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/203608/foster_care_pros_and_cons_is_it_as.html?singlepage=true&cat=49

Someone call an exterminator...We have a troll infestation!!

Man I crack myself up!! I have been infected...at least my blog has. Just an fyi, trolls are actually Cyber bullies who are mean and insulting to people they don't agree with. In my case, it's parents against the social welfare system, at least the foster care system. I seriously doubt they are against food stamps, assisted housing, or child care subsidies. But anyway, they have left some ignorant comments to my post, feel free to check them out. It's amusing to me that I can bring out such meanness. What's so disturbing is the level of cyber-bullying that these 'adults' engage in. Don't we tell our children not to behave in such a manner?? Shame shame for the bad example you trollies you! They call themselves trolls, then they share their bullying ways with the other trollies in their yahoo groups. It's kinda scary how violent they act. One even wants to know how old my boys are! Creepy!!

So anyway, I really would love to see the birth parents viewpoint. I am open mined, educated, and compassionate. But in everyday life, respect is earned by being respectful. If you disagree with me that is fine. But personal insults, and judgemental accusation just makes you trollies look well, um, what's the word....stupid.

To all my fellow foster parents. You understand me, thank you!!

PS: There is a law against cyber bullying, just ask a teenager.

The Mom likes Me...

So I chit chatted with baby mamma last week. First time I had ever had a chance to talk to her, 3 months we have had her child. I cannot imagine. So anyway, I found out today (through the grapevine) that she really liked talking to me and likes me. I have been thinking about my feelings toward baby mamma. It's a mixture between compassion and impatience. My impatience comes from seeing her children's life basically on hold--for her. My compassion comes from being a mother, a woman, a person. She has no one. No one. She is alone. She has me. I will love her baby. I will encourage her as much as I can. I don't know what else to do. I really don't think she is capable of caring for her children. She loves them, she just cannot provide for them. She can't even keep the electricity on. She is in a dv situation, she has the perfect personality and temperament for her abusive boyfriend. I even had a crazy thought in my head about maybe, possibly an open adoption. I'm sure that is just the mamma in me wanting to keep this baby. I'm trying to be objective. It's hard. I don't know what will happen. It will be up to the judge. We are by far the best place for the baby. That means nothing with reunification. I will continue to encourage baby mamma, but she is lonely and loves that bf. Also, this bf is really bad news. Dangerous abusive. And he will get visits with Lovebug...so not fair.

"That's not your child?"...

"That's not your child?", this is the question I was asked by a social worker who could NOT believe Little Guy was our foster baby, not our baby. "You can't tell him or me that I'm not his mama", that was my reply. "No you cant!", said the social worker (laughing) "I am amazed". I love this.

I Get It...Sort of

Why do parents that have children in foster care insist on silly, unimportant demands when it comes to their children? Oh, because they are 'their' children, 'you are mine', 'I can do what I want with my kids'. This is the mentality and attitude of some parents I have dealt with. Maybe it's a way of keeping control. The problem is that this type of attitude puts the children last (again). The parents aren't caring or seeing what is good and healthy for their kids. That is why they are in foster care to begin with. So why do we continue to give in to all these insane demands? I get it, as far as the parents go- they want control of something that is theirs (the children). How selfish.

Court Dates

I am really so new at all this, and I keep learning more and more...but when it comes to court dates, I really just take them as they come.

Little Guy: July 31st. Motion for PC-if granted they will set a trial date for termination--don't know when trial will be set...

LoveBug: Aug 31st and Sept 1st-Motion for PC-will be very surprised if granted...if so we will be over the moon! Scenario 1: Lovebug goes home, Scenario 2: Lovebug's mom gets more time to get it together, Scenario 3: Times up, trial will be set. (door #3, door #3, door #3...)

Could we possibly get 2 babies adopted this year?? Wow, amazing. That is how we feel on hopeful days full of positive thinking. The truth is we have no idea how this will all play out, we are along for the ride. Throwing our hearts into this is knowing we may get heartbroken, all part of life...

Not to sound too confident, BUT Little Guy is right on track for us to adopt him. I can't suppress my excitement. He already feels like ours and acts like ours.

I think the mama knows how to work it...

So I have been struggling at what to believe about Lovebug's (baby girl) mama situation. I think some experienced foster parents who shared their thoughts with me is right. She knows how to string it along, knows what to say, acts like she just needs more time. She has been doing this for 2 years, that is a long time to stall. I don't understand why the social workers buy into it. I think what made me realize that she is blowing smoke, is the 2 year thing.

Should I??

I want to start my photography business... It's in the works, I just need more planning. What I need is a partner!!!

Love our babies!

Change in Direction...

Okay here's the scoop. Baby girl's mama is 'trying' to obtain housing without her bf (baby's daddy and dv situation). She 'says' she is going to go to parenting classes. This is a step in the right direction for her. If she does what she says she will, then she will be on track to get her baby and her 5 yr old little boy back (he has been in fc for 2 yrs so far--yeah, I know). Her roadblocks:1. The bf- she stated just last week that she wants him back, but stated to the social worker a few days later that they are through. 2. There is a possibility that she is pregnant. She hid baby girl's pregnancy for 6 months, they suspect she may be hiding another-same baby daddy (we think), only time will tell. 3. Her follow through doesn't have a good track record. Her little boy has been in fc for 2 years and she has never followed through on her reunification plan.

Why are they still reunifying after 2 years, 3 children, one already lost to a grandmother, one in fc for 2 years, and dv situation? Beats me, it's the wonderful social system that doesn't make people responsible for their decisions--but that is off topic and emotional ranting. The 5yr old wants to be with his mom, so he has his own attorney. I have no idea what this will mean for his termination case. Basically, he is just supposed to have his mother dangled in front of him for his whole life and of course he loves her. So she can put him behind any bf that comes along--more emotional ranting...

The issue I'm dealing with is in my heart: Baby Girl. I'm worried about her future, we want her to stay with us. If that isn't possible, then I really want to support the mom. I don't know how to reach out to her. I thought about writing her a letter. I don't see her, I drop baby girl off and a visitation aid supervises the visit then brings her back. I just want to encourage her to further her education, use this time to get on her feet. She has no excuse in my book. She has no children at home, no reason to not get it together. So many free programs. Will it do any good? Will I be pleading with someone who doesn't want any better? I don't know. I thought maybe I will give her some pictures of baby girl, then see what happens. That is one of my ideas. They added a second visit each week, so I may end up meeting her eventually. The other thing is, is reaching out to her an okay thing? Will I be seen as overstepping my boundaries? I love baby girl, and because I love her, I care about her mom and her brother. If that is where she is going to grow up, then I want her mom to know that I care about them. I want to see her mom successful in parenting. Am I crazy? I just don't have enough experience to know what to do.

PS: Mom has been evaluated by a psychiatrist several times, they can't find anything wrong with her other than personality disorder--which therapy will not help (according to the doc). So this behavior is a choice. Why does the system want to make excuses for everyone?

Legend: fc- foster care
bf- boyfriend
dv- domestic violence

My Cup Runneth Over...

I look back and think of my yearning, wanting, and impatience of getting a baby, foster parenting, and all the hoops we jumped through. How silly I feel. Our family is blessed beyond words. Our wait was not long, the disappointment of failed placements, the uncertainty, the anxiety of adding to our family, the 'you are insane' comments from family (select few)--that all seems like forever ago. But it isn't, we have only had these for 3 and 2 months. That isn't long, but the time is filled up. Filled up with so much life. There is no doubt that 2 babies is a lot of work. I am exhausted. It's true, my cup runneth over. We are certain we have listened to the call of God and opened our home and hearts to these children. But it isn't without anxiety, second guesses, and fear that we may not be able to adopt one or both of our babies. So while we are very happy, we are also very normal.

A glimpse into my crazy house: Husband woke up this morning with no clean underwear- totally my fault since I refuse to let anyone touch my Bosch washer and dryer.

Tweener son was moving at a snail's pace this morning and expecting me to 1.pack his lunch 2. retrieve his backpack (from who knows where)3. Bring his shoes from the garage to the front door 4. Put his lunch in his backpack 5. Find him socks. What??? I always do #1, the rest is his stuff. So I got the 'you never help me' this morning from him.

During this morning rush, I am feeding Little Guy breakfast, making lunches, making a to go breakfast for husband, and reminding our 9 year old to 'get ready-hurry' (he plays constantly). So monkey (9yr old) is jumping on furniture in between bites of cereal.

Then the teenager comes down--enough said.

Baby girl is being very good, she waits until everyone has settled down then she has her fuss time.

So I get a breather when everyone barely makes the bus (like always), and my homeschooler is working, and the babies are content with their bottles...a 20 minutes time frame in which I try to make myself presentable for my family and the outside world.

Today I am tackling our laundry, since everyone has clean clothes expect my poor husband. I seriously don't know how that happened. He was such a good sport, I offered him my panties--he declined. I feel so bad about it too!!! (him not having clean underwear).