Going Backwards with every little bit of Progress

Our 4yr old has a hard time switching any type of activity. I need more info on this problem. I give him warnings, countdowns, whatever I can to prepare him for activity changes. He will still go into a crying thrashing fit, and it doesn't matter where we are (think public tantrums at their best). I already try to not bring any added attention on to our bus load of children, but with a fit thrower it's inevitable. People stare. OMG! I must look like a crazy person. Oh well, it's my payback because I have done my share of staring. It's my turn to walk in those shoes. The good part is that we can reason with him, he isn't 100% out of control. So now we move on to the 1 yr old. He is very sensitive to telling him no, or redirecting him. He will throw himself down and scream, and not even for real reasons. Some days I think he is getting better, then he will get mad because I get him out of a drawer. Even giving him a toy and trying to redirect doesn't usually work. These behaviors are new for us to deal with and parent. I am using consistency and redirection. They are very sweet children, affectionate, and very funny. Visits with mom should start soon. I have mixed feelings about it, but I will support mom however I can.

"You Must have LOTS of Patience!"

That is what I get when strangers ask questions and I tell them we are foster parents. We must have lots of patience, a big heart, it takes a special person, I wish I could do that. The praise strangers heap on you can sometimes be annoying and other times be appreciated. Sometimes that praise can make you feel 'all that' and thinking that you are really wonderful. Truthfully, I have no more patience than the average parent, my heart is no different than any other parent's, and I am definitely not any more special than other people. My point is, I am a foster parent but I am just like every other non-foster parent. I get frustrated with all of my kids, I have bad days, I get exhausted, I feed them fast food drive thru, my house gets messy, my kids skip baths, my kids fight, my babies scream, and I argue with my husband. What is different is that our phone will ring and I will be giddy with excited that children are coming to live with us for however long that may be. I parent someone else's child as if I birthed them myself. My kids accept strangers into their home and they become siblings. There is always an adjustment period for my kids and the new kids. We hit bumps in the road, but we work them out. What I do is put my faith in God. It is His love that I have in me. It is because of Him that I love fostering. He is so patient, He has the big heart, and He is the special one. And I want to tell everyone, that YES, you CAN do this too!

A Smart One

Today our 4 yr old had a meltdown. We needed to leave early this morning and he just didn't want to go. Crying and screaming and laying on the floor. I put him in time out to rant and rave. He stopped. But then he refused to get into the car. So I told him when we get home he will have to go to bed because he did not listen. He sat there. We loaded up, I picked him up and put him in the car. I turned on the tv and he was an angel. We get home an hour later and the little voice in the back says, "Mom, am I going to bed now?". Hmmm....calling me on my threats huh?? What to do? I don't want to put him to bed, uggh! My own kids would have let me forget about it, or sweet talked me out of it. Yes, I'm a pushover--it takes all my willpower to be consistent and I am getting good at it now that my kids are halfway grown! So I told that sweet face that yes he had to go sit on his bed for disobeying this morning. He went up to his bed without a fight. Sat there for 10 minutes and I called him down. I love him.

Dealing with Physical Abuse

So now we are dealing with the effects of physical abuse. Aggression, mistrust, anger, and sadness. This is what we heal in our home. It's not easy. It's 1 step forward and 3 steps backward. It's second guessing ourselves as parents. It's endless prayers for strength and guidance. It's anger at the parents responsible, anger at the social system that yes brought them out of it but knowing they will most likely return. It's prayers that these children will make it. It's doctor visits and therapy for the physical effects left behind. It's a house full of life, healing, and love. It's a stereotype we foster parents live with that is negative, but no one on the outside really has any idea. It's pure exhaustion. But keeping at it is our only choice because right now, we are the parents and protectors of these kids.

New Children

Yes we have new children. I wish I had more time to blog but our child count is at 6 and it's crazy around here. 2 boys ages 1 and 4. They came with a 1 hour notice. We love them. They are wonderful. A little behavior issues but they are doing great with the structure I'm trying to give them!! I love fostering. I don't know how long we will have these boys, as always we are waiting for family to step up. Love Bug is doing amazing. We are so happy.