OMG OMG OMG!!!!

Today I was busy with cleaning house, breaking up arguing boys, and answering text messages. The phone rang, it was our agencyyyyyy!!! "Would you like to do respite this weekend for a 2 and 4 yr old boys?" "Yesss, we would looove too (in singsong--just kiddin')" . "By the way, your paperwork came back today, so we are going to have everything sent in early next week to get your license". Hooray!!! So sometime January we will have our license. I flip flop from excitement to fear!! Fear because I know what a sacrifice we are making, along with our children. Excitement because we are so happy to add to our family, along with parenting whomever comes our way....Now I'm cleaning the guest room for our little guests this weekend, and adding a few toys in there for them. I am sooo excited, I can't stand it!!!

A New Year- Another Birthday for my Son

Today is our oldest son's birthday, he is 15. That totally blows me away. I was 19 years old when we were in the delivery room on December 29, 1993. I was so happy and loved this little guy so much. I was also scared to death, poor, and wondered how I would afford this baby. I felt too young, inadequate, and stupid. As the days went by, this little boy would cry for me, smile at me, and needed me. I held him constantly, kissed him, bathed him, and dressed him up so cute. I went back to college, but we did not have the support we needed to succeed. I went to work and quit college. My husband (who was my boyfriend then) worked days, and I worked nights. We decided on this after countless awful babysitters who I absolutely hated. I didn't know it then, but I was so unprepared in both emotions and maturity to have this baby. My judgement was not good when it came to dealing with teachers, babysitters, and even family members. Our child was ADD, and we were immature parents (but responsible). To hear teachers complain about him broke my heart. He was flawed in their eyes, and I tried my best to conform him. As the years went on, he was not conforming even though he tried his best. He is now 15, his childhood is closing faster than I can type. As I look back I am happy and sad. I had an awesome responsibility at 19 years old, a gift and yet I didn't realize it. That fact gives me grief, a mother's grief that I could have done so much better with my child--if I had only understood, had a little education in ADD, and child development. I did learn to speak up for him, I fought for him, I rejected the complaints that he wasn't 'listening'. I no longer required of him such high standards of perfection. He is my child, and like every child he isn't perfect--just like I'm not a perfect mother. So today he is 15, he wants a cookie cake (his favorite), he asked for an air soft gun (which we got). He will run in the woods in his camo outfit and play airsoft with his friends (with a face shield!). He is 15, but he is still a child. He brings so much joy to our family, he loves the spotlight, he loves the outdoors, and he loves girls. After so much we have been through, I want him to live his life how he desires. I want him to wake up every morning loving life. I want him to know that me and his Daddy LOVE him, need him, and want him to be happy. It's bittersweet to see your child grow up, I want him to grow up- but it's hard to let go. I guess this is good practice, we have 2 more right behind him!!!

I Can See the Light (just a flicker) at the end of the tunnel

Our central registry info should be sent to our agency soon after the first of the year. It's confirmed the other state where we lived has our info and is processing it. I am so glad. At least it's there. Isn't it strange how we signed that paperwork release before Thanksgiving and it was just received on December 11??? Hmmmm, someone drug their feet to the mailbox...I'm just sayin'. An observation, that's all. Hopefully this is all in perfect timing of the child we are to get. I keep thinking how crazy I must have been to think we were going to be done with all of this in October! That is so laughable now. Oh well, good things come to those who wait--right?? I talked to my agency lady today and reconfirmed that we would accept drug addicted infants, and that older children were not going to work in the dynamics of our home. 5 and under will be good. We are still open to every situation that they want to offer us, every child is unique and we understand that. On another note, we are soooo excited for Christmas!!!!!

Waiting on one last piece of paper....

Our licensing is not done yet because we are waiting on the last piece of paper. A central registry clearance from a previous state we lived in (the Adam Walsh law). How long will it take? On the bad side (my prediction) 3 more weeks. On the good side (my prediction again) next week. Then all of our paperwork goes to the capital and we are GOOD!!!! What I didn't tell my agency is that I have a call into the central registry office, that way I can ask when (or if) they have our paperwork, and when will they send it to our agency... You have to have your own back sometimes, know what I'm sayin'?

No News

We have heard nothing from our SW or agency about our foster-adopt license. With the holidays I am very distracted anyway. My biggest concern when we do get a placement is 'visitation'. The thought of it has loomed over my head and I'm very concerned about it. If we are fostering a child that is going to be reunified, then visitation will be in the plan. My problem is that I homeschool, and the thought of running around several times a week for visitation (the drive is going to be long), is daunting!! I don't know if I can deal with that. That was one of my main concerns from the get go. Part of my worry is because I have no idea how much say we will have in the visitation schedule. It is part of foster care, I understand that. The other thing I totally disagree with is that the county will take children out of school for visits with the bio parents. They can miss 3-4 hours of school 2x a week for visits. The system is so messed up. The bio parents should be the ones put out, not the kids. There are so many flaws, the only good thing is the safe, loving homes these children are put into.

Lazy, Snowy Saturday

We are stuck inside today, not only is it snowing but the temps are frigid!!! Not a good combo for me, a southern girl. On the upside, we are hanging out with our two little respite kiddo's. The older child is playing with our youngest, who is the same age. The baby is throwing blocks and ramming his cars into my dinette chairs! LOL! I will be sad to see them leave, again. We may not see them again...I was very surprised (and delighted) that we have them again for respite.

Respite--Again!

Yes, we are doing respite AGAIN! For the same children. Very excited, only one night this time. Our social worker is finally starting to speed things up. Very different from last week. Makes me wonder why, hmmmm.....

Another piece of paperwork...

We had to run in and fill out another piece of paperwork. We are still waiting for our homestudy to be complete....this is crazy.