Still Attending Classes

We are still attending classes. Because of work meetings, our timeline is extended. We haven't scheduled our homestudy yet. I thought we were so close and things were moving along before. I feel exhausted. I love the classes, you learn how to deal with situations and what to expect. I think I was being way too optimistic. I have accepted the fact that we may not get a baby right away. If we do, we may not be able to adopt him/her. This is the reality of foster care. The children are given to you damaged. You have to deal with the county and the birth parents. It's not an easy road to travel. On paper, it was so orderly and planned out 1. attend classes 2. homestudy 3. fire inspection 4. CPR class 5. licensed and child dropped off. That is the steps, but the bumps along the way are not foreseen. There are many things to consider. Our family will never be the same, I have to consider our own children first and foremost. So far, they have expressed positive emotions for both foster and adoption. They understand that we may have to say goodbye to a baby we love. We will try to prepare them for the worse. They may know this, but when they have to go through it--it's a different story. That is where my concern is held. Are we going forward? Absolutely. Am I second guessing myself? Yes. I think it is good to reevaluate your decisions. I need to be aware of the positive and negative factors in this life changing decision. Do I still want to be a mom to another child? Absolutely. My fear is fear of the unknown. I am hoping that other moms have felt this way throughout their own journey. In my heart is excitement for the child that is waiting for us. To provide a safe home that will feed, clothe, bathe, and love someone else's child for as long as we can is what I am doing. That is my purpose for foster parenting. I have come to realize that adoption is a gift that we hope to be lucky enough to receive out of fostering. Any path you choose toward adopting is not easy. They all are uncertain. But we choose these paths and endure.

New Classes

Our agency scrambled and fit in our classes starting next week. I'm sooo glad. We may still be done by the end of Sept, but it will be close. We still should be licensed sometime in October. I like this teacher of the class much better, but she is really putting a lot on herself. She will be teaching every night for the next 6 weeks. I am so happy she picked us up!
I really need to figure out the bedding arrangements, but I cannot until we actually get through this first process. Even if I have to scramble at the last minute, it's better than an empty crib in our home for 6 months. Our agency gets calls for placements everyday. If we don't get a placement right away (like I hope), then it will only be a few months (my prediction). I just want to get through this initial licensing, I am anxious to have a child--even for a short period. We prefer to have an adoptive placement, but we will take each child as they come. Our hearts are open and we need to live openly. Making ourselves available physically and emotionally is the beginning.

Heartbroken

I have learned hard lessons about adoption and fostering. Don't expect anything to go as planned. Our homestudy visit was scheduled for yesterday evening. The social worker did not show up! I was aggravated. I called this morning only to discover that the social worker QUIT! Yes, she quit and gave a two-hour notice!! Now there is no one to teach our class. No one called us to cancel. To top it off, we had scheduled babysitters with a sitter service (very expensive), which we have to cancel. We will spend $80 for sitters that we don't use. I am heartbroken, don't know what to do. Deciding to foster is a soul searching decision to begin with. Add on this stress and we really feel like we are being taken for a ride. I am waiting to hear from our agency, then go from there. I am very disappointed.

Week One Training

We completed week one of training, 5 more to go. The first class was just general information and responsibilities of the foster parents. Questions we had about things like visitation, social worker visits, and rules. The second class was about child abuse. Physical, emotional, and neglect. The physical abuse really caught me off guard at the severity. Not because I was unaware that it happens, but because I have never seen firsthand physical abuse of a child. It was horrible, to say the least. The videos brought tears to my eyes. And then this morning on the news, a man was arrested for abusing a child and the child was killed. I think I am becoming more observant and certain words get my attention.

We scheduled our first homestudy appointment (out of 4) for Monday, August 18th. Just to make something known, I say really stupid things when I'm nervous. I don't know why, sometimes I just shouldn't talk. As I made the appointment for the homestudy, I was thinking if I needed to do something 'special', like maybe childproof, or whatever. I don't know, my mind was going nuts with thinking. Well, out of my mouth came: "Should I clean the house extra special?" What the heck was I thinking??? My husband looked at me like I lost my head! Our house is always clean, I have no reason to ask that! My husband just said, "The house is fine". The social worker looked at me and I know she is thinking that I'm a crazy lady!!! This on top of getting lost on the first class and ending up in a different state, thanks to my navigation skills and messed up way off taking down directions!!! Yes, I got verbal directions, and we have two interstates- 75 and 275. Well, I was told to take 275, I thought. I was really told to go to 75! Yeah, so we were 30 minutes late for the first class, and the second class I am asking if I should clean my house!!! I am wearing a muzzle for the rest of the classes!!!

Next week we are on an extended family vaca--so we miss next week classes, but she is going to schedule us to make it up. The next time I see the social worker will be for the 1st visit homestudy... Wish me luck, and any thing I shouldn't say??? LOL!