Another call...another no...

Yes we got another call the day before Thanksgiving. I was so excited I could not contain myself. I was actually pacing the floor in excitement. The baby was 2 weeks old and was a possible adoption. I knew she was for us. I was already thanking God for her. We were told that we 98% had her. Then the 2% came along, and we lost out. We don't know what happened. I suspect that a family member took her, and that is what I hope happened. Then I crashed. The adrenalin was too much, the let down was too much. I wasn't crying, I was just tired. I gathered up Lovebug and went for a walk. Then we went shopping. I was sad. Then I start thinking, if I am still so excited over the prospect of another child, then maybe I am where I should be. Some people can't handle the constant let down. I don't know how I continue to put myself out there, but I do. As Feb/March approaches our stomach is in knots. Lovebug's fate will be decided. Her mom has every ability to meet the criteria to get her back. She says that she will. I am scared that she will. I know her mom well enough to know that she commits to things short term. Her children included. If we are able to keep Lovebug, then we want her mom to be a part of her life. I feel like a parent to the mother. It's very difficult.

Same ole' Same ole'

I feel like I repeat myself. I do have frustration over the system and I don't want to sound so negative, but it just comes out. We are now waiting until Feb. to see if Lovebug's mom will stick with the program. She has a live in boyfriend and who knows when she will be pregnant again. She is working her plan, but only barely.

We love Lovebug so much, she is just so sweet. I love feeling her heaviness in my arms. I can't explain how she is just our child. Then reality pipes in. I drink from this cup, it is my choice.

We did get another call for a baby girl, but she went to family. That is always good. I see the difference in myself now when I get a call for a child. Before we were so gung ho to foster that we just wanted a call. Now it's different. Amazing how you can change in a year.

So we are living our life like normal. Our kids are great, they want so badly to keep Lovebug as their sister.

Now that it is Thanksgiving, I am so very thankful for my husband and children. Everything else is just extra blessings, but they are my true gifts.