Quick Update

We are still around!!! lol! I'm reading everyone's blog updates but have not had time to keep up mine. I'm starting my photography business so that is a huge undertaking that has me insanely busy, as if I wasn't already.

The boys may leave us soon in a few months. Various dad's are being ruled out, several of them are interested if these children are theirs. I feel great that these men are taking responsibility, but it's sad for our family nonetheless.

Adoption is trekking along slowly, of course. We hope to have a date in October...lol! That is what I said about Sept. Oh well. I have learned not to get bent out of shape over the small details.

Right now, we are so busy that we can't keep up with our laundry, housework, homework, and tv shows!!! But we are sooooo happy!!!! I am so happy we listened to our calling.
Oh yeah, and we are behind in our foster care re-certification hours. This is a huge deal, and one I gripe about nonstop. So just add a little stress to our mix...the only part about fostering that is hard, is the training. The training itself is a piece of cake, it's juggling my huge family that is the struggle. Too bad our agency doesn't offer childcare or I would be all over it---and would not have a problem getting my hours. Lame.

Just So Busy!!

I hate that I don't have time to blog as much as I used to. Wait a minute, I'm actually busy taking care of these kids I so desperately wanted! So I can't blog, big deal...lol! Well Love Bug is on her way to becoming part of our family. We think in September sometime. It's absolutely a dream come true. She is an amazing little girl and we are in disbelief that we get her!!!!

We still have our boys, they are doing wonderful. Structure and consistency can really make some children bloom. Reunification is still in the works, mom has a ways to go.

Lovebug's mom has another baby. Boy baby. We will see what happens but we are on the list to get him if it comes to that. I will need a nanny!!! lol~


So that is our update. Our own children are doing great and are so excited about their sister. She is so adored by her brothers.

Momma's Baby....Daddy's Maybe...

Wow that is so true in our boys case. There are several men coming forward claiming paternity on our 4yr old. What??? This child is about to be 5, are you kidding me??? No one has disputed paternity in 5 yrs, and he does have a father that signed his birth certificate! His baby brother has no one claiming him yet. We know of a few contestants but no one is willing to apply for the prize. The very sad possibility of this mess is that IF they find a suitable real father for one of the boys, then they will be split up. This is what I have problem with. These boys are bonded and should not be split. But this is what happens when the law comes before people.

On another update. Our adoption of Lovebug will be happening in a few months. An absolute answer to prayer and more importantly an answer of yes to God that started this whole process!

Seriously, I'm glad there are no visits

I can't believe I feel this way. I have always felt that supporting the bio mom is important and I like to help mom's become better moms. But every case is different, unique. Fostering is not a little box you can stuff all the cases into. That is one reason our system is so flawed. We are dealing with individuals, everyone uniquely and wonderfully made according to the Bible. While I will leave alone how wonderfully made the parents are in our boys cases, I will say it does apply to these children. They are going on with their lives, dealing with their baggage, and seriously trying to be happy. So no visits with a parent who is not interested in parenting is good. It would be seriously damaging to our boys to constantly be rejected by their mom. Now if she shows up and wants to make an effort, I have no choice but to be supportive--for the boys (I will not be happy about it though). For now, I am their mom and I love them.

On our way to Adoption!!!

So this month the state should have permanent custody. Then we will be moving forward with adoption of Lovebug. We are so over the moon I can't even explain it. The crazy part is how bittersweet it is. Adoption is so wonderful, but there is a loss that comes with it. Our Lovebug is losing her mom, she has lost her siblings. We feel we have won the lottery and she is an adored baby, but one day she will have to deal with her loss. I am glad she has no idea what is going on, all she knows is our family. We love her, she is ours. Soon, it will be official.

Update on boys...looks like mom is MIA. Not kidding. She has walked away from 2 children after contributing to physical abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, attachment disorder, hungry, neglected, unsupervised babies. All is not lost. They are safe, loved, and getting the attention they have so craved from their parents. We will see where this goes. No visits for now, and that is a relief really. I cannot believe this though. Were we meant to adopt again?? This really is not in my plan. I mean 2 more boys?? I am praying hard about this, but I am really confused. I know there are so many parents waiting for adoption, what if they are meant to be with them? Do we just rehab these children and send them on their way to their adoptive home? I just don't know. I am way ahead of myself, this situation could turn around in a split second, that is what happened with Little Guy. I just can't help myself, thinking into the future of 'what if''s.

Going Backwards with every little bit of Progress

Our 4yr old has a hard time switching any type of activity. I need more info on this problem. I give him warnings, countdowns, whatever I can to prepare him for activity changes. He will still go into a crying thrashing fit, and it doesn't matter where we are (think public tantrums at their best). I already try to not bring any added attention on to our bus load of children, but with a fit thrower it's inevitable. People stare. OMG! I must look like a crazy person. Oh well, it's my payback because I have done my share of staring. It's my turn to walk in those shoes. The good part is that we can reason with him, he isn't 100% out of control. So now we move on to the 1 yr old. He is very sensitive to telling him no, or redirecting him. He will throw himself down and scream, and not even for real reasons. Some days I think he is getting better, then he will get mad because I get him out of a drawer. Even giving him a toy and trying to redirect doesn't usually work. These behaviors are new for us to deal with and parent. I am using consistency and redirection. They are very sweet children, affectionate, and very funny. Visits with mom should start soon. I have mixed feelings about it, but I will support mom however I can.

"You Must have LOTS of Patience!"

That is what I get when strangers ask questions and I tell them we are foster parents. We must have lots of patience, a big heart, it takes a special person, I wish I could do that. The praise strangers heap on you can sometimes be annoying and other times be appreciated. Sometimes that praise can make you feel 'all that' and thinking that you are really wonderful. Truthfully, I have no more patience than the average parent, my heart is no different than any other parent's, and I am definitely not any more special than other people. My point is, I am a foster parent but I am just like every other non-foster parent. I get frustrated with all of my kids, I have bad days, I get exhausted, I feed them fast food drive thru, my house gets messy, my kids skip baths, my kids fight, my babies scream, and I argue with my husband. What is different is that our phone will ring and I will be giddy with excited that children are coming to live with us for however long that may be. I parent someone else's child as if I birthed them myself. My kids accept strangers into their home and they become siblings. There is always an adjustment period for my kids and the new kids. We hit bumps in the road, but we work them out. What I do is put my faith in God. It is His love that I have in me. It is because of Him that I love fostering. He is so patient, He has the big heart, and He is the special one. And I want to tell everyone, that YES, you CAN do this too!

A Smart One

Today our 4 yr old had a meltdown. We needed to leave early this morning and he just didn't want to go. Crying and screaming and laying on the floor. I put him in time out to rant and rave. He stopped. But then he refused to get into the car. So I told him when we get home he will have to go to bed because he did not listen. He sat there. We loaded up, I picked him up and put him in the car. I turned on the tv and he was an angel. We get home an hour later and the little voice in the back says, "Mom, am I going to bed now?". Hmmm....calling me on my threats huh?? What to do? I don't want to put him to bed, uggh! My own kids would have let me forget about it, or sweet talked me out of it. Yes, I'm a pushover--it takes all my willpower to be consistent and I am getting good at it now that my kids are halfway grown! So I told that sweet face that yes he had to go sit on his bed for disobeying this morning. He went up to his bed without a fight. Sat there for 10 minutes and I called him down. I love him.

Dealing with Physical Abuse

So now we are dealing with the effects of physical abuse. Aggression, mistrust, anger, and sadness. This is what we heal in our home. It's not easy. It's 1 step forward and 3 steps backward. It's second guessing ourselves as parents. It's endless prayers for strength and guidance. It's anger at the parents responsible, anger at the social system that yes brought them out of it but knowing they will most likely return. It's prayers that these children will make it. It's doctor visits and therapy for the physical effects left behind. It's a house full of life, healing, and love. It's a stereotype we foster parents live with that is negative, but no one on the outside really has any idea. It's pure exhaustion. But keeping at it is our only choice because right now, we are the parents and protectors of these kids.

New Children

Yes we have new children. I wish I had more time to blog but our child count is at 6 and it's crazy around here. 2 boys ages 1 and 4. They came with a 1 hour notice. We love them. They are wonderful. A little behavior issues but they are doing great with the structure I'm trying to give them!! I love fostering. I don't know how long we will have these boys, as always we are waiting for family to step up. Love Bug is doing amazing. We are so happy.

Court went good...

I'm so sorry I haven't updated!!! My comp has crashed and I just got a new one. But anyway our original court date was delayed and we just had another. I am happy to say that hurdle number one is down. Now we wait 8 more weeks, if no other family members come forward we will be on the adoption fast track. It's still very emotional and stressful. I keep remembering where we came from, the first little tugging in my heart that I just couldn't shake. I am so happy that I listened to God's plan for our life. It of course hasn't been all easy or even happy, but the bumps in the road are bound to happen. Right now we are thrilled. I have faith that everything is going to be fine and we will get to keep this precious baby. However, I am trusting God to work out the details and when the problems pop up (and we know they will) I will hopefully roll with the punches. We have had several calls for more foster kids, most of them in the 4-6 yr range. We have said yes to all of them but we didn't get them. More reason for me to be amazed at how we have this baby. Her mom and I are getting along great and an open adoption looks very possible. On the foster care front, many changes are happening and they are not good for the children. Budget cuts are severe. I am thinking that foster parents are going to be required to do more and not get the reimbursement they are used too. So far we are sticking with it. Once again, living open.

Court is coming

We are not for sure what is going to happen at court. We will either get legal custody or who knows. I'm so nervous. I feel like I can't relax until we have her. We will see. Lovebug's mom is so supportive of me! It's so strange, it's almost as if she has passed her on to me in her own way. I never expected to become so caring toward the birth mom. It's wonderful. I think about my unsatisfied heart, the yearning and longing for a baby girl. Afraid to say it out loud how much I wanted her for fear of never getting her. Not wanting to look and sound crazy because fostering had such a pull in my heart. Keeping my desires and excitement to myself to protect myself from ridicule. Knowing I was in God's will, but unable to trust that fully to share. I am humbled. Once again God has showed me how much He can provide for us, for Lovebug, and for the desires of our hearts. I am proud to say that Lovebug is an answer to prayer, part of God's plan, our little baby girl, our baby sister. To say I feel unworthy is putting it mildly. I am not worthy to parent the children God has given us. I am so blessed to have each of them. Lovebug brings all of us joy, she is a Daddy's girl and her Daddy is crazy about her. She lights up at the sight of her brothers and squeals with delight when they play with her. We will be forever grateful to her mom for giving her life and giving her to us. Now, praying for God's will in court...

We didn't see this one coming...

Wow! All I can say is wow! Baby mama called me last week and wants to give our family custody. We are still processing this. She does want to be part of Lovebug's life. She trusts me to not keep her from Lovebug. I feel I have been given this huge responsibility of balancing Lovebug's life. If it was to go perfectly, what a wonderful way for Lovebug to never question her mom's decision, intentions, and love for her. Is this what God was preparing us for? Is this the seed he planted in my heart? My concern for Lovebug's moms wellbeing and safety is not because I am such a caring person. It's because God's love and concern is showing through me. Like I have said a million times before, thank you God for this baby. We are so blessed. I cannot stop crying happy tears. 

Haiti

The orphanages in Haiti are being robbed of their food and other supplies. Are they going to airlift these babies? If so, how do we offer to foster (adopt?) one or more??? Sad and desperate situation. What is the answer? Some people in Haiti were on tv begging for America to take over their country. They must have order soon or it will become even more dangerous. I know that our country will be more than willing to take care of the children, but the elderly are suffering as much as the children. Always the two most vulnerable populations. Everywhere you look you can donate to Haiti, but sometimes money can't fix it. It's going to take more than money.
Just my opinion.

Something to Ponder...

It seems so wrong to me that a year ago I was DYING for a placement. Could literally crawl the walls with such anticipation. Now one year later and we have had to give up one little boy, and now looking at giving up our girl. I feel no far ahead now than I did then. It has to be my expectations. We really want to adopt. This is what clouds the foster care reality. This is why my heart breaks, and my sadness can't be contained. What if I wasn't wanting to adopt Lovebug, would it be different? I don't know. If she goes back to her mom, then I'm thinking we will not be so adoption driven. That sounds really sad, but truthfully if a child works out for us to adopt we will not say no. But if I can just get over this adoption hump, maybe fostering will be easier. Somehow I doubt it.

A Good Visit

Mom had a really good visit today. She was excited to see Lovebug. It's so strange to witness this. I almost gave Lovebug a goodbye kiss, but then remembered my place. I had already kissed her before I handed her over anyway. So I left, empty. Lovebug was staring at me, like she does when she is stare-demanding for you to pick her up. Ok, so I'm being a little dramatic. But still. :) :) :) I love this baby.

The home visit

I try really hard to not judge, to meet people where they are. But I always have a little judgement to add to the situation. Poverty. That is where Lovebug will go. She will grow up in poverty. It would be easier to except this if we didn't live in America. If her culture was different than mine. But it isn't. Her mom's choices is why she will live in poverty. I do not live a sheltered life, I grew up poor myself. But somehow this is different. Maybe I just thought I grew up poor, that is probably more like it.

Thank you and another step not in our direction

Ok, so baby mama now has home visits. Supervised, but at her home. She hasn't seen her in 4 weeks. Because of the holidays, bad weather, and sickness (the mom), and her job. It has been one excuse after the other. So now Lovebug is a month older, saying words, trying to walk, drinking from a cup. At this age it is not good to lose any time. But whatever, right? Home visits are set. I was really upset at first then I try to think logically. 1. If baby mama doesn't work her plan, it doesn't matter where visits are--she will still have to complete her plan. 2. If Lovebug is going home as planned then she needs to start visiting at her mom's house (that one hurts). 3. I'm once again reminded that I'm not the mom, so what does it matter to me (that is BS). Ok, so visits at mom's house start this week. I'll let you know how it goes.

Thank you everyone for the support on this blog. It is really hard to lose these children.

We still haven't had any calls lately. So strange but I am really enjoying the one on one time with Lovebug. She is an absolute joy. So happy. Everyone comments on how happy she is. Good, then I'm doing my job keeping this baby happy!

We go back to court next month. I'm a wreck. I have been trying not to think about it. But what if they send her home right then. We really need an adjustment time of several months. Like that will happen.

I've been all about quality foster care lately. It's so difficult, but so needed. I want these kids to have the same opportunities as my own children. Clean clothes, food, love, education, positive family interaction, boundries, parents, responsibility. That is what foster homes need to give these kids. If it takes your whole foster care check to buy new clothes for your foster child, then that is what they deserve and need. We make no money by being foster parents. What we have is baby gear, toys, clothes, and food and our baby seriously has a lot of stuff. The foster care money is so little, I don't think people realize that. The ones who complain that foster parents get a lot of money are the people who don't have any money, so they think it's a lot of money. Once you have a child that is old enough for preschool, you are in the hole. Foster homes need to value education, and I mean make it a priority. Just my opinion...