OMG OMG OMG!!!!

Today I was busy with cleaning house, breaking up arguing boys, and answering text messages. The phone rang, it was our agencyyyyyy!!! "Would you like to do respite this weekend for a 2 and 4 yr old boys?" "Yesss, we would looove too (in singsong--just kiddin')" . "By the way, your paperwork came back today, so we are going to have everything sent in early next week to get your license". Hooray!!! So sometime January we will have our license. I flip flop from excitement to fear!! Fear because I know what a sacrifice we are making, along with our children. Excitement because we are so happy to add to our family, along with parenting whomever comes our way....Now I'm cleaning the guest room for our little guests this weekend, and adding a few toys in there for them. I am sooo excited, I can't stand it!!!

A New Year- Another Birthday for my Son

Today is our oldest son's birthday, he is 15. That totally blows me away. I was 19 years old when we were in the delivery room on December 29, 1993. I was so happy and loved this little guy so much. I was also scared to death, poor, and wondered how I would afford this baby. I felt too young, inadequate, and stupid. As the days went by, this little boy would cry for me, smile at me, and needed me. I held him constantly, kissed him, bathed him, and dressed him up so cute. I went back to college, but we did not have the support we needed to succeed. I went to work and quit college. My husband (who was my boyfriend then) worked days, and I worked nights. We decided on this after countless awful babysitters who I absolutely hated. I didn't know it then, but I was so unprepared in both emotions and maturity to have this baby. My judgement was not good when it came to dealing with teachers, babysitters, and even family members. Our child was ADD, and we were immature parents (but responsible). To hear teachers complain about him broke my heart. He was flawed in their eyes, and I tried my best to conform him. As the years went on, he was not conforming even though he tried his best. He is now 15, his childhood is closing faster than I can type. As I look back I am happy and sad. I had an awesome responsibility at 19 years old, a gift and yet I didn't realize it. That fact gives me grief, a mother's grief that I could have done so much better with my child--if I had only understood, had a little education in ADD, and child development. I did learn to speak up for him, I fought for him, I rejected the complaints that he wasn't 'listening'. I no longer required of him such high standards of perfection. He is my child, and like every child he isn't perfect--just like I'm not a perfect mother. So today he is 15, he wants a cookie cake (his favorite), he asked for an air soft gun (which we got). He will run in the woods in his camo outfit and play airsoft with his friends (with a face shield!). He is 15, but he is still a child. He brings so much joy to our family, he loves the spotlight, he loves the outdoors, and he loves girls. After so much we have been through, I want him to live his life how he desires. I want him to wake up every morning loving life. I want him to know that me and his Daddy LOVE him, need him, and want him to be happy. It's bittersweet to see your child grow up, I want him to grow up- but it's hard to let go. I guess this is good practice, we have 2 more right behind him!!!

I Can See the Light (just a flicker) at the end of the tunnel

Our central registry info should be sent to our agency soon after the first of the year. It's confirmed the other state where we lived has our info and is processing it. I am so glad. At least it's there. Isn't it strange how we signed that paperwork release before Thanksgiving and it was just received on December 11??? Hmmmm, someone drug their feet to the mailbox...I'm just sayin'. An observation, that's all. Hopefully this is all in perfect timing of the child we are to get. I keep thinking how crazy I must have been to think we were going to be done with all of this in October! That is so laughable now. Oh well, good things come to those who wait--right?? I talked to my agency lady today and reconfirmed that we would accept drug addicted infants, and that older children were not going to work in the dynamics of our home. 5 and under will be good. We are still open to every situation that they want to offer us, every child is unique and we understand that. On another note, we are soooo excited for Christmas!!!!!

Waiting on one last piece of paper....

Our licensing is not done yet because we are waiting on the last piece of paper. A central registry clearance from a previous state we lived in (the Adam Walsh law). How long will it take? On the bad side (my prediction) 3 more weeks. On the good side (my prediction again) next week. Then all of our paperwork goes to the capital and we are GOOD!!!! What I didn't tell my agency is that I have a call into the central registry office, that way I can ask when (or if) they have our paperwork, and when will they send it to our agency... You have to have your own back sometimes, know what I'm sayin'?

No News

We have heard nothing from our SW or agency about our foster-adopt license. With the holidays I am very distracted anyway. My biggest concern when we do get a placement is 'visitation'. The thought of it has loomed over my head and I'm very concerned about it. If we are fostering a child that is going to be reunified, then visitation will be in the plan. My problem is that I homeschool, and the thought of running around several times a week for visitation (the drive is going to be long), is daunting!! I don't know if I can deal with that. That was one of my main concerns from the get go. Part of my worry is because I have no idea how much say we will have in the visitation schedule. It is part of foster care, I understand that. The other thing I totally disagree with is that the county will take children out of school for visits with the bio parents. They can miss 3-4 hours of school 2x a week for visits. The system is so messed up. The bio parents should be the ones put out, not the kids. There are so many flaws, the only good thing is the safe, loving homes these children are put into.

Lazy, Snowy Saturday

We are stuck inside today, not only is it snowing but the temps are frigid!!! Not a good combo for me, a southern girl. On the upside, we are hanging out with our two little respite kiddo's. The older child is playing with our youngest, who is the same age. The baby is throwing blocks and ramming his cars into my dinette chairs! LOL! I will be sad to see them leave, again. We may not see them again...I was very surprised (and delighted) that we have them again for respite.

Respite--Again!

Yes, we are doing respite AGAIN! For the same children. Very excited, only one night this time. Our social worker is finally starting to speed things up. Very different from last week. Makes me wonder why, hmmmm.....

Another piece of paperwork...

We had to run in and fill out another piece of paperwork. We are still waiting for our homestudy to be complete....this is crazy.

Soooo Tired!!!

How can a round, short, cute 2 year old wear me out?? Very easily!!! That baby was so busy this weekend. He is cute as a button, picky eater, tantrum thrower, sweet, lovable little baby. His older brother played with my boys. We have an 8 yr old also. I love doing respite because you can really see the dynamics of your own family with the different ages of the children. I do think my first pick of babies and toddlers is right on. It's important for parents to know their limits, and to give much consideration to their own children. For my children, a younger toddler age child interacts well. A child the same age as my own children creates more adjustment. Could it work? Of course, with time. The 8 yr old we had would adjust fine, but my children would take longer. It's important to stick with your knowledge of your family dynamics. We would respite for these same boys again, they were so fun and really sweet kids. Now where does that leave me this Thanksgiving week??? Crazy, because I didn't do any of my Thanksgiving Day food shopping yet!!! So this week is nuts. But life is crazy anyway, right??

Respite, this weekend???

I don't know what to make of this. Today we had our final visit, our safety audit. Then 1 hour later, my agency lady calls and asks if we will do respite this weekend for an 8yr and 2yr old brothers. Of course we said YES! So different from a few days ago, when I was under the impression that it would be a few more months before we are even licensed. I'm so confused, but happy that we get to do respite. I think that is a great way for our kids to slowly adjust. This weekend we are going to stay indoors (the temps are low), watch movies, eat junk, and play. This is what my kids do on the weekends when it's cold, and it works for us! LOL! My spirits are up.

You have GOT to be Kidding Me!

I knew this road to parenting would be jumping through a lot of 'county' hoops. I was fine with that. We went to our 3 hr long classes 2x a week without complaint. We paid $80 for cpr and first aid certification, without complaint. I answered intrusive questions, subjected my children to questions and judgement by a 'stranger', again without complaint. Now that ALL of our end of the deal is complete, the paperwork is in, and the doctor appointments are all done --the social worker wants to 'claim' her 6 month grace period??? You have GOT to be kidding me!!!! Evidently, the social worker has 6 months from the date of your application (Oct 8, for us) to complete the 'homestudy'. She informed me of this yesterday, why was I not told of this? So I guess it was her way of reminding me that she is in control, not me. She did say that she would anticipate we would be licensed by the first of the year, but isn't promising anything. I really think she will have us licensed as soon as she can, but for her to point out that she has 6 months was putting me in my place (I felt). In my head I'm thinking that it could take several months before we are matched with a child (for foster or adoption). I really want to be licensed ASAP so that we can begin that waiting period. I should've known that I would get really aggravated at the way the system works. We love and take care of our children, and we want more. However, we are independent, and like to do our own thing. We take care of our responsibilities and expect others to do the same. This is where my conflict is going to be. The lack of control. The reminding us that we are not in control here. I must have lots to learn.

Fire Inspection Complete!

I am so relieved, our fire inspection is DONE! We have a safety inspection this Thurs, then that is IT!!!! We will be licensed by December I bet!!! This is a lot of work, not hard but time consuming. Already we have put so much into the foster system with zero reward. Which of course is part of it. We did say 'yes' to drug addicted babies. I was torn with that because my heart said 'yes' before my mind said, "hold on, this is serious". My biggest concern is long term cognitive issues and mental illness. We want to adopt, these children we are going to foster are our future children. So I have major cause for concern over what kinds of problems these babies are going to face in the future. I don't know, I'm trusting God. It's hard to 'checklist' your child. Our own biological children wouldn't pass many people's 'checklist' of a child. We are open, willing, and available. That is what God asks of us. I'm nervous, excited, and hopeful we will have a child soon.

Last Homestudy Visit--Done!

Well. sort of. We had the last visit from the social worker today, and she was unable to do the home safety inspection because we haven't had our fire inspection yet!! What?? She never mentioned one had to be done before the other!! Whateva! No biggie, our fire inspection is next week, she is coming next Thursday. Yippeee!!! Our (neg) TB test will be read tomorrow, and we are DONE!!!! I am so flippin' excited. The other big thing, we will need BEDS for next Thurs!! Should I put a CRIB up??? I don't know, what if we don't get a baby baby? The crib I picked out can convert to toddler....so maybe that will be okay? The baby room is really big, it has a queen bed, and I can easily fit a crib and toddler bed also (it's considered a bonus room). That will give us 3 beds for 3 different age levels. Should I do the crib? Like in good faith that I am going to get a baby??? I just don't want it to sit empty, I would be so sad. Maybe I should just buy it and set it in the room....hmmmm.....don't know what to do.
So after the inspections, then our paperwork goes to an office up north and we can get kids anytime after that!!!! So I'm guessing sometime early Dec....not too far from my Oct prediction (I was just crazy!).

Coming Together

It's all coming together, maybe sooner than later. We should have the all clear with our home study by Nov. 14th. The fire inspection is Nov 18th. After that, we tie up any loose ends. Thanksgiving baby?? Don't know. What I do know is that my timing is not what is important. We decided on foster parenting with hopes of adoption because we became aware of a need. A need for safe homes for abused and neglected children. For the last year I have researched adoption from domestic to international. I always came back to America's hurt children. The foster children. We were looking closely at Ethiopia, and had the timing been right I would have signed us up in a heartbeat. Now Ethiopia is increasing on wait times and fees. I knew in my heart that if we were going to add to our family, then foster care was it. The signs were all around us (literally); they are on bulletin boards, tv, church signs, radio, and even t-shirts of other foster parents. It was calling out to us, and as we have listened in faith our family is about to change. I do want the process to hurry up, but that is foolish. This process is preparing us, and we need to learn as much as possible while we can. We leave for vacation tomorrow and I am so happy. I really did want to take another child with us, but I see that this vacation may be our last as a family of 5. What we need to focus on is each other, our family now-not our family to be. Our boys bring us joy, I don't want to miss that because I'm looking too far out the window. I am now embracing these hoops we are jumping through, and not rushing the process. God's plan is perfect, and his timing is right. It feels good to let go and live free.

Homestudy visit numero uno--done!

Our first homestudy visit is over!! Finally! It wasn't too painful. We had to give specific details of our family history. Our social worker was great and we felt very comfortable with her. She is actually coming back tomorrow for the 2nd of 3 visits. So I thought that was a good sign. I didn't realize we needed a TB test!!!! So we could've gotten that during our physicals!! UGGH~! It's looking more and more like the first of the year before we are done with everything. I'm probably exaggerating...and really we are moving along just fine.

Happiness

My Heart

I am your mother,
You are my child.

My heart overflows
With happiness.

Your acceptance is pure,
Your trust is overwhelming.

How did I get so lucky?
To become your Mother.

You are a blessing,
You are my heart.

Author: Mother to both biological and adoptive children (me)

I must be a pain in the 'you know what'!

After emailing my agency lady and bugging her, she agreed to get our homestudy under way next week!!! And then our 2 make up classes the next week, tentative---as we all know this can change. Steps forward...I feel good today!

Are we ever going to get a baby?

Waiting on our baby is hard. For one, I am very impatient when I set my mind to something. I am keeping busy doing normal stuff, with 3 kids that isn't hard. But everyday I think, what age will our baby be? What do we need? When will we see him/her? We are planning on fostering and adopting. My hope is that we get a baby or toddler that is legally free and we are able to adopt quickly, and not draw it out for 2 years. I know that I am asking for a perfect scenario, but why not? I can hope, that is all you have sometimes. We still have not had our homestudy. My part still includes: Fire inspection, purchase crib and toddler bed, and medical clearance for the boys. I am working on these, so I should be done by next week. I will put off purchasing a crib and toddler bed until after our homestudy. I am dying to shop for the babies we will have, but I'm trying to wait until the last minute. I guess that is my way of trying to not be disappointed. In all we have been working on this for 3.5 months. That isn't bad in the world of adoption. I hope to have a baby by December. My timeline keeps getting longer, which is typical (with adoption or foster care). I am saying December, but my heart is hoping for November. So much for October...

Getting Nervous

Okay, so I have been on the defensive lately. I am sensitive to judgement passed on us for our decision to foster. I am trying really hard to lighten up. I need to. I realize that others will not understand, and that's okay. It doesn't change our decision or our family. It doesn't matter. If I am being honest with myself, then I will realize that I have my own doubts. I am nervous about getting a baby. My life is crazy with my boys, but it's adjusted right now. A baby will mean less sleep and more work. I am aware of that, and sometimes I wonder if I am insane! Then I listen to my heart. I am here to nurture and love my children. It isn't always easy, parenting is really hard. I am jumping in with two feet and know it!

3 More Classes

The countdown is on! 3 more classes is all we have. I am so happy. We still have the CPR and first aid classes I'm trying to schedule, the fire inspection, and the homestudy. I figure it will take most of October to finish all of that. My plan is to do my part as quick as possible, go on vacation, and not worry about it. I am happy to see my family. I haven't seen my mom or grandma in 15 months!!! So I am super excited!

On another note, I have to express my frustration with people. One reason we haven't spread the news of foster parenting is the negative stereotypes it has. I guess because we have 3 children, we shouldn't want more (according to some people). That is absurd and ridiculous! My excitement is getting the better of me, and I told one of my friends I sometimes walk with. Her reaction? "Why?" in a disbelieving, almost disgusted way. I told her we were adopting, (I failed to mention the fostering part). I immediately felt like I had done something wrong!! I said, "We are still very young, and want more children". She then corrected herself, forced a smile, and said how 'sweet' I was. Whatever.
Then, our oldest son told an acquaintance of ours (don't know why he did that! He said he was getting excited) and she had the exact same reaction to me! "Why do you want to do that? Don't you have enough?". It's their attitude that I'm doing something wrong that angers me. Thankfully, my son did not see her reaction. I really felt put on the spot, like I had to defend my own decisions. I told my kids not to tell anyone until we get our license. Our youngest son is really wanting to tell his teacher : ) It really is cute and sweet how they are getting anxious, like me.
I know in my heart that I cannot go by other people's opinions. In reality, I think it's human nature to want approval by others close to you. So when we get negative feedback, I really second guess myself. I wonder if this is common for other foster parents.

Timing

Okay, so I have been thinking about the timing of our foster journey. We had a Disney vaca scheduled for the first week of Oct. We were super excited and our extended family was meeting us there. We should've had our foster license by then, and we were hoping we had a foster child to tag along with us to Disney. Well, first our classes were disrupted, then some of our family members couldn't go to Disney, then we had to buy a car unexpectedly. So our family vaca was moved to the first week of Nov, and we are going to Gatty. The funny thing is, we should be licensed right before that and we are again hoping to have a little one to tag along with us on vaca! Same thing, just different details. My nagging fear is that while we are on vaca we will get a call!!! I know I can't worry about that. I do realize that we probably will not get a call so soon. It's just my excitement getting the best of me! On the Disney note, we are going sometime before summer of 09, so that is something to look forward to. As far as having a baby in Oct, guess I was wrong about that.

New Date

I have a new date for our 'end of classes' day. October 8th! Then we should be licensed a few weeks after that. It will be before November! I am so excited. What I need to do: Make copy of forms, Take cpr and first aid classes, and Dr forms signed for us and the kids. That is not bad! My agency lady said that I can put a crib, toddler bed, and a twin bed in our guest room. Then we can be licensed for 3 children. What if I need 2 cribs?? OMG! We have to get on it!!! I'm glad our guest room is big. It's really a bedroom/bonus room. I can't take it, I want to shop!!!! But I'm controlling myself--for now : )

Taking Forever

Sometimes the days just drag on. I feel like we haven't made much progress since the start of our class 7 weeks ago. We should've been done after 6 weeks, but here we are starting our 8th week. If we didn't have all the bumps in the road, then we would have been on schedule. The whole class is behind, not just us. We still have 4 homestudy visits, so that is 4 weeks. We have at least 3 weeks left of classes, fingerprints, then our forms. I'm going to make copies of all the forms we need, so that will be out of the way. Other than that, I wait and wait and wait. I find myself imagining what child we will get. A girl or a boy? How old? What race (we are open to all)? What kind of horror have they lived through? Will they like us? When I was pregnant, I would imagine what our baby would look like. This would go on for months and the anticipation was so great. The excitement grew and when the baby finally arrived, he looked nothing like I imagined. So weird! I feel the same excitement and anticipation for our future foster babies. I understand how adopting parents long for a child they never met, or don't even know when they will arrive. Adoption is a journey that is hard on the heart. But still many parents choose the path.

Another Class Down

We have about 4 classes left, I think. I could be wrong, at least that is the trend! Our homestudy will be scheduled after the 15th, and we need 4 visits. So that is taking us into October already. It looks more like October before we will be licensed. I'm getting excited, or just staying excited. I love the classes. They get you to think more about the kids and less about yourself. Even though our #1 goal is to adopt, fostering in itself is such a need that I can't ignore it. People say they couldn't foster because they would not be able to say 'goodbye' to the child. Yes, that is a concern. But fostering isn't about you, it's about the child. The foster system and the judicial system isn't without problems. The children cannot control who they live with and when. The foster parents cannot control that either. But they can control that child's well being for the amount of time they have the child. This is important, the child is the focus for once. The foster parents are putting their feelings aside, and are fully aware that their heart is going to break. This is the tough part of fostering. I am aware of this, and I still feel called to be a mom to these children.

Still Attending Classes

We are still attending classes. Because of work meetings, our timeline is extended. We haven't scheduled our homestudy yet. I thought we were so close and things were moving along before. I feel exhausted. I love the classes, you learn how to deal with situations and what to expect. I think I was being way too optimistic. I have accepted the fact that we may not get a baby right away. If we do, we may not be able to adopt him/her. This is the reality of foster care. The children are given to you damaged. You have to deal with the county and the birth parents. It's not an easy road to travel. On paper, it was so orderly and planned out 1. attend classes 2. homestudy 3. fire inspection 4. CPR class 5. licensed and child dropped off. That is the steps, but the bumps along the way are not foreseen. There are many things to consider. Our family will never be the same, I have to consider our own children first and foremost. So far, they have expressed positive emotions for both foster and adoption. They understand that we may have to say goodbye to a baby we love. We will try to prepare them for the worse. They may know this, but when they have to go through it--it's a different story. That is where my concern is held. Are we going forward? Absolutely. Am I second guessing myself? Yes. I think it is good to reevaluate your decisions. I need to be aware of the positive and negative factors in this life changing decision. Do I still want to be a mom to another child? Absolutely. My fear is fear of the unknown. I am hoping that other moms have felt this way throughout their own journey. In my heart is excitement for the child that is waiting for us. To provide a safe home that will feed, clothe, bathe, and love someone else's child for as long as we can is what I am doing. That is my purpose for foster parenting. I have come to realize that adoption is a gift that we hope to be lucky enough to receive out of fostering. Any path you choose toward adopting is not easy. They all are uncertain. But we choose these paths and endure.

New Classes

Our agency scrambled and fit in our classes starting next week. I'm sooo glad. We may still be done by the end of Sept, but it will be close. We still should be licensed sometime in October. I like this teacher of the class much better, but she is really putting a lot on herself. She will be teaching every night for the next 6 weeks. I am so happy she picked us up!
I really need to figure out the bedding arrangements, but I cannot until we actually get through this first process. Even if I have to scramble at the last minute, it's better than an empty crib in our home for 6 months. Our agency gets calls for placements everyday. If we don't get a placement right away (like I hope), then it will only be a few months (my prediction). I just want to get through this initial licensing, I am anxious to have a child--even for a short period. We prefer to have an adoptive placement, but we will take each child as they come. Our hearts are open and we need to live openly. Making ourselves available physically and emotionally is the beginning.

Heartbroken

I have learned hard lessons about adoption and fostering. Don't expect anything to go as planned. Our homestudy visit was scheduled for yesterday evening. The social worker did not show up! I was aggravated. I called this morning only to discover that the social worker QUIT! Yes, she quit and gave a two-hour notice!! Now there is no one to teach our class. No one called us to cancel. To top it off, we had scheduled babysitters with a sitter service (very expensive), which we have to cancel. We will spend $80 for sitters that we don't use. I am heartbroken, don't know what to do. Deciding to foster is a soul searching decision to begin with. Add on this stress and we really feel like we are being taken for a ride. I am waiting to hear from our agency, then go from there. I am very disappointed.

Week One Training

We completed week one of training, 5 more to go. The first class was just general information and responsibilities of the foster parents. Questions we had about things like visitation, social worker visits, and rules. The second class was about child abuse. Physical, emotional, and neglect. The physical abuse really caught me off guard at the severity. Not because I was unaware that it happens, but because I have never seen firsthand physical abuse of a child. It was horrible, to say the least. The videos brought tears to my eyes. And then this morning on the news, a man was arrested for abusing a child and the child was killed. I think I am becoming more observant and certain words get my attention.

We scheduled our first homestudy appointment (out of 4) for Monday, August 18th. Just to make something known, I say really stupid things when I'm nervous. I don't know why, sometimes I just shouldn't talk. As I made the appointment for the homestudy, I was thinking if I needed to do something 'special', like maybe childproof, or whatever. I don't know, my mind was going nuts with thinking. Well, out of my mouth came: "Should I clean the house extra special?" What the heck was I thinking??? My husband looked at me like I lost my head! Our house is always clean, I have no reason to ask that! My husband just said, "The house is fine". The social worker looked at me and I know she is thinking that I'm a crazy lady!!! This on top of getting lost on the first class and ending up in a different state, thanks to my navigation skills and messed up way off taking down directions!!! Yes, I got verbal directions, and we have two interstates- 75 and 275. Well, I was told to take 275, I thought. I was really told to go to 75! Yeah, so we were 30 minutes late for the first class, and the second class I am asking if I should clean my house!!! I am wearing a muzzle for the rest of the classes!!!

Next week we are on an extended family vaca--so we miss next week classes, but she is going to schedule us to make it up. The next time I see the social worker will be for the 1st visit homestudy... Wish me luck, and any thing I shouldn't say??? LOL!

Finally Something!

We start our classes next Tuesday!!! I talked to our licensing specialist and told her that we would have at least 2 spots available for foster children and she was thrilled! She is so encouraging, just what I need. I keep thinking we could have a baby by October, but I am probably getting too excited and stuff. So to be more realistic, we probably won't get a placement until closer to December. Hmmm, I tried it, I don't believe it, I can't be realistic. I think we will have a placement in October, it's just a gut feeling. If it doesn't happen, then I have proof that my 'gut feeling' is flawed!!

Don't know about our background check, they sent it off today. I'm not worried about that though.

Another thought, what if the homestudy is dragged out, we may not be licensed by September....bummer. Guess I should prepare for delays...

Vacations

We have 2 vacations planned so far this year. One in MO, in August (right in the middle of training). And Disney in October. I am soooo excited about Disney, not that we haven't been a zillion times, but our youngest was only 4 years the last time we were there. He will be able to experience it all over again. Our favorite park is Universals Island's of Adventure, I cannot wait for that park!! Also my family is going with us, so it is a mini reunion also. I wonder if we will have another child to share Disney with. The time frame is so close to us finishing up our classes, I don't know if we will be licensed by early October. I would think we would, but unforeseen slow downs is what I'm thinking is going to throw our plans off course. Oh well, it would be great to have a little toddler to take with us.

I did tell a few of my family members that we were becoming licensed to foster, I figure the select few can spread the word. I don't know about foster daddy's fam, I guess he will have to tell them. Or one of the kids will spill the beans...

Background Checks Not Done Yet...

Soooo the person who runs the background checks has been out of commission. Our checks will be run next week. Not a big deal, since we don't start classes until next month BUT frustration at the slowness of the way things happen is a deal to me. I am just thinking ahead and wondering if other things are going to be slow, like our homestudy? I guess we will see.

I'm getting so excited, I want to start changing the guest room, but I don't know what I need? The room is big, so we could fit 2 twin beds, and 2 chests, and 2 nightstands. We will probably need a crib, I may be able to squeeze one in there with the twin beds. What if we need 2 cribs??? Wow, that would be awesome! We have a brand new queen set (bed, chest, nightstand, and mattress) in the guest room, maybe we will sell it...
We could put 2 cribs and one twin in the foster baby room. I can't believe we could have 2 babies under the age of 3 at once, I'm so excited!

The Past Always Comes Back

Our childhood has haunted us throughout our parenting. I am happy to say that we have worked through most of our issues and have come out stronger as parents and as individuals. However, the ghosts of the past do sneak up and try to throw us off track. It's hard to know what is healthy when you don't know what healthy is. Fortunately for us, we have made our decisions based on 1. common sense, and 2. with respect for everyone involved. When we had babies and toddlers, it seems like second nature for parenting. We were very attentive and loving. We had very little support for our young family. We were pretty much alone is raising our kids. Now, our kids are bigger and show disrespect, fight, and, seem unhappy about everything. I'm sure it's normal, but it's the ghosts of the past creep up and remind me of dysfunction within my own childhood family. On the flip side, our kids are funny, loving, and free spirited. They are close to each other, and spend lots of time together. I hope by the time we get through these teen and tween years, we will be more confident in our parenting. I'm sure we will. I have learned to reach out for help when I need it, and I can admit when I don't know what to do. Your kids don't get a certain age and then it's easier, your parenting skills have to change with them. I now fully embrace that parenting is hard work. It's wonderful, but at times can be overwhelming. We put a lot of energy and time into our kids. Maybe that is why I am so sensitive to their struggles. It's strange how when you start a family, your childhood plays out in front of you...

Telling Our Families

We haven't told our families that we are going to be foster parents. Talk about drama! I have talked to one other person who is holding out telling her family also. It's because of the negative stereotyping of foster children and foster parenting. Both of our families will think we are crazy. I really just don't want to hear it. I ran adoption options by a few close family members and they did their best to talk me out of it! I know they are thinking what is best for us, but I don't understand why adoption or fostering is so negative. Why can't it be a positive option. They tell me I'm just wanting that last baby and it's normal. Well, I would agree with them if I was 50 years old, but I'm 33. (By the way, I think a woman has the right to parent at any age). Does that make me too old to want a child? That is crazy. Now the question is: When do we tell them? 1. Now (I'm not a fan of that one), 2. After our training (early Sept.), or 3. When we get our first placement (Oct or later). I'm voting for #3!! : )
Any Suggestions?

The Training Classes

I had a great idea. The training lady could use our house and train all the parents who are ready. They can bring their kids (child care can be a issue for parents), and we can start earlier. I was going to email our agency lady but Foster Daddy said I sounded too desperate!!! I couldn't believe he said that~ : )
My reasons for wanting to have the training here and now is: 1.It's summer, better than late nights of training during school. 2. I can accommodate the other parents and their children, so no childcare problems. 3. Convenience, we have to drive a really long way for training. 4. The biggest reason is the school thing, I really don't want to be gone 2 nights a week (late), 5. Child care (for us).
Those are my reasons for wanting the training to be held at our house, I'm not desperate, I just don't want to be stressed on the nights of training. I probably won't ask our agency lady, because I don't want her to think I'm crazy... we will just deal with it and get through it.

Background paperwork: Check

Yes, she came yesterday and picked up our paperwork for the background check. It takes 3-4 days to come back. But it doesn't matter because the next step is the classes, which start August 5th. I really wanted our homestudy to start (so we can get that over with) but they will do that in August. Soooo, we wait again- which I guess can be seen as a short break before our lives will change. I also was thinking, how nice it would be if the trainer would come to OUR house and give us the classes at home! If she did that, they maybe there would be more foster parents licensed sooner...Wishful thinking.
I can't believe how excited I am about the prospect of having a little baby around! I so need to get a grip, but I can't!! Then I start thinking about all the baby stuff, and the bottles are what is crazy to me. I did very few bottles (all my babies were nursed), so the washing and sterilizing and mixing is going to be crazy!! My agency lady said they just placed a 3 day old infant, and she thought about us. I'm happy she is thinking about us!
In the meantime, we will figure out what to do with our guest room because now it's going to be the baby room.
Another thing we are thinking about are the spaces we have available for children. We are thinking we can accommodate two children max. So one spot can be for foster only (under 5) and that spot may rotate children as needed. Then the other spot could be for a child who we want to adopt? We can try to plan it that way but, from what I understand, I doubt it will go as planned. The permanent child may end up not being permanent and the foster only child may become adoptable!!

Waiting for Wednesday

I can't wait for tomorrow! The agency lady will be here to pick up our background check paperwork...Then the homestudy--I think!! At least I will get to ask her what is next. Our child classes start in August. We are going on vaca in August and in Sept, right in the middle of classes! But the good news is that our agency will 'catch' us up. Much better than the county, they were going to make us wait until the next round of classes to catch up (November) Yikes! The other news is that we are going to Disney in October and we would love to have a placement to take with us! I guess we will see, if we end up with an infant it may be crazy!! We may not have one by then either. I probably need to plan on hitting a snag somewhere. The boys are super excited, and they all want a child their age : ) They are sweeties, especially with babies. I think it's so great to give them this opportunity of loving others. They are great about helping out, as much as boys can be that is {smile}!

Paperwork!

Some time through the weekend, background check paperwork was dropped off!! We don't know when, we just found it by the door yesterday (Sunday). The agency lady will pick up the background check paperwork on Wednesday (this week). I don't know how long it will take to get it back, I would think just a few hours with today's technology...
I was surprised to see how little paperwork we got so far, I really just want to fill it all out and get it over with. I guess one step at a time. I'm sure they do it like this in case we have a dark past, it will show up and the agency hasn't lost too much on their prospective foster parents. I'm just ready to get the homestudy over with!!! I'm going to need pointers on babyproofing : ) It has been a LONG time, I hope I haven't lost my baby touch!! I will need all the locks, but those didn't work well with my kids...so maybe my cleaners just need a new home? We have 3 sets of stairs, so will we need 3 or more baby gates? One at the top and one at the bottom of each stairs? These are just some of the questions I have!

The Fourth of July!!!

Happy 4th!! I love the fourth. When the kids were little, we always dressed them in red, white, and blue. We celebrated with picnics and fireworks. Now the boys are bigger, and while they will get into the spirit, they resist my clothing choices for them. We still love our 4th of July celebration of: Picnic, grill out, eat watermelon, and enjoy the fireworks. I can give up dressing them up, I guess : )
It's just a bummer it's rainy today, it better clear up by this evening : )

Still no paperwork

Our coordinator called and she is very sorry, I understand, life happens. Really, I am so in 'la la land' most of the time that I cannot get too upset for the delay. But still no paperwork, I hope it comes in the mail today...

Delay...

So I am waiting for our paperwork to be hand delivered, kinda strange. Well, the lady apparently called in sick, so I have been waiting for nothing!! Uggh! I left her a message and asked her to drop the paperwork in the mail for us, so I guess we will see...another delay...

Anxious

I am really excited about fostering, but I also feel that I'm setting myself up for disappointment. I have read everything I can find on fostering, and a lot of it isn't good. It's sad. Parents who want to adopt their foster baby have to give them back to their birth parents, foster children who upset the family, agencies that are impossible to deal with. Are there any good stories? I know we will deal with the same problems, but I really feel at peace with our decision. I go back and forth between feeling excitement and feeling scared. Even with feeling scared, I still feel at peace. I hate the waiting...classes won't start until August, then October at the soonest is when we are looking at a placement (if there is a match for us). It really isn't that long of a wait, technically.

I am a country girl and other insights...

Just a little insight into our family. I was raised in Florida, I have a baby brother and our mom was a single parent and a nurse. I helped raise my brother, and I have acted like a "mommy" since I was 7 years old. We lived on a dirt road, didn't wear shoes, and ate what we wanted. My mom didn't keep an organized or clean home, she was too busy working 12 hour shifts at the hospital. Our great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts, and cousins lived close by and we visited often, usually unannounced. My family was loud, pushy, and opinionated. We had a strong faith in God, but attended church sporadically. Weekends consisted of shopping at the mall on Saturdays with Grandma, Mom, Aunts, and the kids. Sunday's we attended church (sometimes), but always had dinner at my Great-Grandparents house with whoever happened to stopped by. My Mimi (Great-Grandma) would cook collards, cornbread, mac-n-cheese, chicken-n-dumplins, peach cobbler, and sweet tea. No air conditioning, after dinner we would all collapse in the family room in front of the fans, kids had to sit on the floor. The adults had hand fans they would fan themselves with. We wouldn't watch tv, the adults would talk and the kids listened. No toys, maybe a few for the babies and toddlers. Anyone that visited was offered drinks, food, and dessert. My family didn't drink beer, but did get loud. What effect does my childhood have on my parenting? I don't care if my kids wear shoes or not, I feed whoever is in our yard during lunchtime, my kids hand out drinks and snacks to the neighborhood like they have an endless supply, we don't drink alcohol (okay, very rarely and never in front of the kids-I'm not a saint), our kids are loud and I don't mind. How am I different? My husband and I have a lot more money than either of our parents had, we live in suburbia, we have new cars vs old ones that always broke down, I keep the kids under a watchful eye, I like a clean and organized house, we have a bigger house than we need, our kids don't know what it's like to be poor, we don't live near family anymore. I am a country girl, I love country music (along with hip hop!) and summertime! We live in the north, our neighbors have full bars in their basements, the kids around here wear $100 shoes, moms drive expensive SUV's, dad's play golf, kids are all in soccer. I don't feel we fit in, but at the same time I feel we can be who we are without problems. I like suburban living, our house is great, I love Target, and I like cooking out on the grill while the kids jump on the trampoline. I am not in competition with my neighbors, I don't care where they shop or what they have. However, I do recognize how blessed we are and we try to instill a giving spirit into our children. I am a conservative Christian, but at the same time I am not a fanatic or afraid of the future. I have convictions in my heart that run deep. My faith is strong, and my compassion is genuine. I truly hurt for the hurting, but feel too small to make a difference. I give as needs are presented to me, this has proven effective. Opening your eyes to those closest to you, you will find needs that need to be met. They land on your doorstep.

Next Step

Next week our foster parent recruiter is dropping off the paperwork for our background checks and other stuff. Then she is picking it up the next week. We keep talking about the future foster children, and what we will accept. This is important to determine BEFORE the home study. We want to foster-adopt, and also foster. We want to adopt a girl, and we will foster both girls and boys. Foster Daddy thinks we will end up loving and wanting to keep all of them, and I know he is right. Right now, the ages we want keep changing: 0-5, 0-3, 1-3, 1-5 ?? 5 and under looks consistent. I don't want to have a detailed checklist right away. Age will be a factor, as well as trauma, and race will not matter.

We passed the first test?

Yesterday was the visit with the foster parent recruiter with the private agency. It went very well. We had lots of questions and we were reassured. From what I gather, I think she came out to prescreen us. This is needed so that everyone's time isn't wasted. She said we were 'perfect'!! So now what? We are waiting. Next is the background check and the homestudy. I was under the impression that the background check would be today, but guess not. We start our training classes in August. I'm nervous. This is huge!

Today is the First Visit

Today we get a visit from the Private Agency. I am nervous and excited. This is only the first of many steps we need to take in order to become foster parents. Today my main questions are: How much support will the agency give us?
Our biggest fear: Being accused of child abuse by the birth parents (or anyone else), is this common?
What are the different case scenarios, in regards to the children, should we expect?
That is all I can think of at this moment.
Our background check will be done today. So that is good, one thing down...

Private or Public Agency

The first question is: Private or Public Agency?
Private Agency: Claims to have more support for foster parents, training is flexible, starting right away.
Public Agency: Training is not flexible, the need is great, social workers overloaded.
We have an appt on Tuesday with the private agency at our home. We have lots of ?'s...

Fostering Beginnings

How do you know what is right? Is is a feeling? Confirmation from another source? Does it just fall into place? Does God lead us to His path? Here we are, wanting more children. We see the need for foster parents, we want to adopt a daughter. Fostering has been in my heart for a long time. Just recently my husband and I opened up the possibility of fostering seriously. We know parenting is hard, we have 3 boys. We love being parents, we love being married. We are acting out of faith, believing this may be our right path for the immediate future. I wish I could say that I was 100% confident and happy about fostering. Instead I am scared and full of questions. I do want to foster, but along with comes all the mixed up emotions. I want to help, but I want to protect my family and myself. I pray that God will give us the strength we need to be loving parents for our children and our future foster children. Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I love it. I love being a MOM!