Okay here's the scoop. Baby girl's mama is 'trying' to obtain housing without her bf (baby's daddy and dv situation). She 'says' she is going to go to parenting classes. This is a step in the right direction for her. If she does what she says she will, then she will be on track to get her baby and her 5 yr old little boy back (he has been in fc for 2 yrs so far--yeah, I know). Her roadblocks:1. The bf- she stated just last week that she wants him back, but stated to the social worker a few days later that they are through. 2. There is a possibility that she is pregnant. She hid baby girl's pregnancy for 6 months, they suspect she may be hiding another-same baby daddy (we think), only time will tell. 3. Her follow through doesn't have a good track record. Her little boy has been in fc for 2 years and she has never followed through on her reunification plan.
Why are they still reunifying after 2 years, 3 children, one already lost to a grandmother, one in fc for 2 years, and dv situation? Beats me, it's the wonderful social system that doesn't make people responsible for their decisions--but that is off topic and emotional ranting. The 5yr old wants to be with his mom, so he has his own attorney. I have no idea what this will mean for his termination case. Basically, he is just supposed to have his mother dangled in front of him for his whole life and of course he loves her. So she can put him behind any bf that comes along--more emotional ranting...
The issue I'm dealing with is in my heart: Baby Girl. I'm worried about her future, we want her to stay with us. If that isn't possible, then I really want to support the mom. I don't know how to reach out to her. I thought about writing her a letter. I don't see her, I drop baby girl off and a visitation aid supervises the visit then brings her back. I just want to encourage her to further her education, use this time to get on her feet. She has no excuse in my book. She has no children at home, no reason to not get it together. So many free programs. Will it do any good? Will I be pleading with someone who doesn't want any better? I don't know. I thought maybe I will give her some pictures of baby girl, then see what happens. That is one of my ideas. They added a second visit each week, so I may end up meeting her eventually. The other thing is, is reaching out to her an okay thing? Will I be seen as overstepping my boundaries? I love baby girl, and because I love her, I care about her mom and her brother. If that is where she is going to grow up, then I want her mom to know that I care about them. I want to see her mom successful in parenting. Am I crazy? I just don't have enough experience to know what to do.
PS: Mom has been evaluated by a psychiatrist several times, they can't find anything wrong with her other than personality disorder--which therapy will not help (according to the doc). So this behavior is a choice. Why does the system want to make excuses for everyone?
Legend: fc- foster care
bf- boyfriend
dv- domestic violence
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5 comments:
Quite honestly, I have some serious reservations about her ability to parent just based on that little bit of information. She has one child already placed with a relative, one in foster care for 2 years and then the baby. Not such a great track record. Sounds like maybe she wants all the fun but none of the responsiblity. In my oh so humble opinion, it's time for CPS to step up and put a stop to this crap. Give her a firm deadline and stick to it. At some point, a child's right to stability has to take precedence over mom's right to parent. Period. End rant.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Some days, I get so sick of how this system treats the parents like helpless victims and the children (the REAL helpless victims) like collateral damage.
I've sent my fs's birthmom a letter and some pictures. My worker didn't like it, but then again she's terrible.
Sending the letter made me feel better. Put my mind to ease that at least I had tried to reach out to her.
With our last baby, I got a photo album that the pages can be removed from. At the first visit I gave it to his mom with about 6 pictures in it, and kept the other pages. Then each visit, I sent a couple of pages with pictures from that week.(I just printed them on my computer)
When he went home, we got a thank you card, which I don't think has ever happened in the 20 years before!
The law here is that children under 5 can only remain in foster care, under a temporary order for 15 months before a permanent plan is made...(either send them home or terminate parental rights) I think it's 2 years for over 5. That doesn't mean it actually happens, though because the court is so backlogged....but at least it something they have to aim for!
I agree, this poor little boy loves his mom and kisses and hugs her throughout the visit. What has she been doing for the last 2years of HIS life? Our state has a 12 month rule, after 12 months they need a permancy plan. Well, she got pregnant so they extended it for her. And her oldest child was terminated and adopted my paternal grandmother. Such a messed up case because of the 'system' letting her get away with this. Whew, deep breath...
I would say check with CM before you do anything but then start slow and send a note with baby on visit day with a picture or two. Then if she responds to you go from there. Most BP will say almost anything to get more time and it sounds like she knows the systeem very well. If she is with child again you can count on her disapearing soon if she wants a chance to keep this one.
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