I love the weekends with this baby because I know I will not get a call telling us he is leaving. We are foster and foster to adopt. The thing is with the whole foster to adopt is the risk. Since we are foster and foster to adopt, we will have children who are in reunification. No one ever knows what will happen, this baby we have could end being a foster to adopt baby. We don't know, but if he does then we have him and we will have a good chance of adoption. If he does go home or with his grandma, then we at least gave him a loving and safe home for as long as we could. Everyday is getting harder for me, I am allowing myself to mother this baby with no reservations. I know I am going to be a mess when he leaves us, and the longer he stays the harder it will be to say goodbye. So why do I get so attached? Why not keep a 'wall' up in order to protect myself? Because I cannot be a good mother to this baby without getting attached to him. I have to meet his needs, physical and emotional. If you can't risk yourself for the good of another person, then you can't give them everything they need and deserve. It's not fair that children are abused and neglected. It's disgusting and shameful. Until our society learns to protect and value our children, then we will always be picking up the pieces of these children's lives.
I am nervous when the phone rings. But the weekends are peaceful and happy. I really do want what is best for this baby. I wish his mom to get better, he needs his mother. But where is the line? How much do these children need to endure? We have thrown ourselves into this with only one sure thing: heartbreak.
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3 comments:
How much more you have to love a child to be willing to love them with no promise of getting anything in return. Without promise of them being yours forever. Without promise of them being there long enough to reciprocate your love.
That is truly love. Loving without expecting in return. Beautiful.
God bless you for loving so recklessly and beautifully!
I know how you feel. Since we have little intention of adopting, we know it will be a sad day when (S) leaves us. A little while ago I was reminded of an old quote. I am not sure who said it or exactly how it goes, but I am trying to keep it in mind and hope you don't need it.....Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
Oh my heart hurts for you as this post reveals my own fears. Keep on loving that little sweetie and may you have many more weekends!
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