On the list again

Our home has openings again. We are on the list again. This time I feel different. That anxiety and urgency isn't there. I need to recoup myself emotionally and spiritually. I have 3 kids of my own that need my attention. Lovebug is doing so well. She is so much part of our family. She is so spoiled and sweet. We are all so much in love with her. But she isn't ours. I can't help but have this sense of uneasiness that she can be taken away. The fact that we have her is a miracle. Her mom is losing interest right now. I don't get it at all. I don't understand it. I get the whole 'social economic' issues that is often blamed on child abuse/neglect issues, but I don't buy it. There is much more to it than that. So while Lovebug's mom is losing interest now, she could become interested in the near future and still get her back. So I no longer worry about missed visits or other signs that mom is giving up. If this baby is meant to be ours, she will be. I may need to remind myself of this in the future. I feel that I am no longer excited or energized about fostering. I have decided that I was looking through rose colored glasses. Not understanding, experiencing, or knowing the reality of foster injustice. Do I love it? Yes I do. I really do love taking care of these kids. However, reality is that it's your life. I can't separate that. I also don't know how long I can do this. I am not quitting. I am just taking it one day at a time, and praying for the strength to parent the way God wants me to. To all my children, biological and foster...they are all mine and I love them.

New update on a sibling set...we are the list to take them (boys). However, things change daily. Decision isn't made yet.