These last few weeks have been a whirlwind. We did respite several more times. Let's just say that respite gets old really quick when you do it back to back like we have. It's the constant adjustment that is only a few days but throws off these kids in a big way. I'm starting to not believe that kids are resilient. Yes, they may be resilient in some ways but they have a breaking point too. We have a new addition, except he will only be staying a month or less. This is home number 8 within 2 years. He is 2 1/2. Adjustment issues, behavior problems, and the sweetest little smile and voice. He is very affectionate, especially when he is trying to get out of trouble. His future is uncertain. He may go to family, or he may not. I don't want him moved. For his sake. I'm exhausted, undoing 2 years of this mess is very difficult. It's cases like this that break your heart. We can't take him out yet, he is too unruly. I believe that will change, but probably about the time they move him. I will worry about him.
So these last few weeks I have been second guessing myself and foster parenting. I'm sure it happens to everyone. To be a good foster parent, you have to give more than 100%. It's hard some days. I'm tired. Just because it's difficult I start thinking maybe this isn't what I signed up for. But that is the easy way out of reality. These kids live this dark reality everyday. To help someone else, it usually requires sacrifice. Maybe I'm not used to real sacrifice, so it's hard for me. I don't know. I just know that something can be much different than it appears.
Lovebug's mom is dropping the ball. Good news for us. So why am I sad. Because I care about her mom. Open adoption is sounding really good. Open enough for visits, calls, and a friendship? I'm just thinking out loud. I really love being a foster parent. I get really frustrated and angry at these parents. But I have to focus on what is in front of me. I can't fix this system. I can support the ones I have and their parents. If the parents don't respond, then what. We keep going. Focus on today. The problems today. The behavior issues for today. The sicknesses of today. Being tired will make you weary. I am weary. I also know that I will be renewed.
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1 comment:
I happened to come across your blog one day when looking for other Christian foster families. I started following and love this posting.
Fostering is hard and so many days I feel like you- thinking why did we sign up for this!
However, knowing that these kids may only have a "normal" loving, structured home during the time they're in care is enough to keep us going. And your home may be the only introduction they'll ever have to the Lord.
I've enjoyed reading your blog- hope I'll learn from your experiences in foster parenting!
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