Back to Waiting

So we are back to waiting and getting butterflies when our agency calls. Court is approaching for Lovebug. They are trying to terminate parental rights. I don't believe it will happen. I will be very surprised if the judge terminates her rights. The issue with Lovebug is dependency. Her mom is unable to provide for her basic needs, such as shelter. But why should the state terminate parental rights when we are here providing for her? That sounds sarcastic because it is. I really struggle with this. I really have compassion for Lovebug's mom, I like her. She is very sweet and loves her children. Then I see her decisions she makes. I don't agree with them, she isn't making the best choices to get her kids back. In the meantime, Lovebug will spend years in foster care with only visitation with her mom. Unless mom gets it together in a week. She just might. I am rooting for her. But if she doesn't have 'shelter' by the end of this month, I will be very disappointed. If she isn't prepared to reunify with her children, then she will just have many more long months of the same pattern. This has been going on for almost 3 years now. So if the goals of providing permanency for a child was actually true, then children would not spend years in foster care. I can see myself becoming bitter and falling into the pit of self pity. Yes I have my own selfish desires in this mix. Lovebug. We would be overjoyed to keep her to say the least. As court approaches, I am praying that the best for Lovebug comes out of it. If that is with her mother, I will support it. I will be heartbroken, once again. If they want to drag this out for months more, I will be very upset. So I guess that is what I should plan on happening. Expect the worse, pray for the best. I should say pray for the best and expect the best to show my strength in my faith. It's not that I don't have faith. I have faith, but I have to be careful to draw the line at what I want and what is right for this baby. After all of this I am so excited to take on another. I'm not sure why sometimes. Maybe because with each new child is a renew of hope? I don't know. We are also searching other adoption options. For today we are happy and healthy.