The Ups and Downs

Life has it's ups and downs. Throughout this whole foster care journey we have had major ups and downs. It's draining. Our family is pretty much laid back, we just hang out, shop, bike ride, watch movies, and stuff. The kids have their things to do, but we don't go crazy and over do it. We can see how easy both of these babies fit into our family. When you have older children then all of a sudden have infants, it can be overwhelming. But these babies are just so perfect. I don't know how I'm going to handle saying goodbye to them.

The ups and downs of their cases has been crazy. First they go home, then it looks like they may stay, then mom is on track-they are going home, a family member wants them, then they are staying, then we can adopt, then it's up to the judge, then no one knows, then they get lost in the system, then we can adopt them. See the pattern of craziness? I think my problem is expectations. I really was too positive and wanted to believe the workers when they tell us that we will probably get to adopt both babies. I am changing the rules. It's not fair to our family to pretend we are going to adopt these babies when they could both be gone as fast as they came. I am not giving up, yet. I am simply re-evaluating my motives, my expectations, and my families desires. I am going to practice acceptance. Acceptance that this is not in my control. Acceptance that these babies will more than likely go home--yes both of them. Acceptance that things change from day to day, happiness can turn to sadness in a blink of an eye. Acceptance that reality is sometimes ugly and unfair, and my children are learning that. Acceptance that these lessons in loving will have a positive impact on my children's lives, even if it's painful now.

What I know about our babies cases: Lovebug's mom is going to work hard the next 6 weeks to do everything she needs to in order to stop the termination.
Little Guy-we are being kept in the dark. I think the aunt is pursuing custody and I would guess the worker will support that--only because he has been reduced to a file. The worker who knew him is gone, I can't tell you how much that impacts the kids (when a worker leaves). We do have the GAL but unless the aunt is in bad shape, he will go there eventually.

So now in practicing my acceptance of our decision to foster, I am accepting that we will more than likely lose both babies. Foster parenting is rewarding, but painful experience. I have said before that we are living 'open', open to what God gives us. Giving babies a healthy start is so important for their future development. I am blessed to be these babies mommy, even if for a day.